letter to kurt
I know how weird it sounds, the moment these words leave the dimention of ideas in my mind, they become a blurred jumble of letters with no whatsoever meaning, that would sound desperate to some and obsessive to the others. i hate how much i yearn for you, how much i miss you despite having never met you, the only thing trurly left of you its the audios and the videos, as well as the photos. i like to belive our souls are on the opposite side of a road, a very much busy one, there so many cars all the time that neither of us ever manages to cross it. Both of us damned to be able to look at each other only from afar, not being able to hear or reach for each. i was born years after your death, and yet im terribly sorry and happy at the same time because of it, maybe that was just the way it was supposed to be, but if theres the chance that it was all a big mistake then i hate it so bad. I can only hope that if we had ever spoken we would've understood each other, but the hope is so strong and I cling to it when i feel really down. I know I'm waiting for a train that's already left but I feel the need to more than i like to admit, even to myself because after all, im terribly lost and im scared of changing tracks. i hope that you're ok now man, that you can do whatever makes you happy and your stomach dosent hurt anymore. we probably would have never talked even if you still walked on this earth today, but i would have sent you neverending letters about whatever i felt overwhelming at the moment, so hey, maybe its less of a hassle for you this way. Im not even half of the crazy good musician you were, i want to specify, i merely fall under the very much generic label of artist and nothing more, but if im ever gonna have the chance im gonna scream about all that stuff that made you pissed off as well. Back to the road thing, I don't know if you've ever felt this thing in your life, the feeling of that a heartbreaking yearning for something way too far out of reach, that terrible longing, buried deep in human nature, for everything that you can't have. Cause i did dream of your attic once and it fucking haunts me whenever i think about it man, fuck. im aware i should defenetly think less. that's it, miss you