Stepmom life
I need some help. I’m going through a depressive episode currently (on meds and in therapy) and I’m sorta loosing hope here. I also prefer no judgement and rather if there are truths to be said as it’s said more gently. I am 25f for reference my fiance is 48m (again, pls don’t judge)
I have an almost 6 year old girl. I had her when I was 19. He has 2 children who are 11. We have been together for 3 years and engaged since end of last year. I have moved in for a year and done the house mom step mom thing, I tried it, I enjoyed what I could do for him.. because I love him. But I resented being a step mom. I resented the back and forth. How we could have beautiful weekends or flow during the week and memories just to get ruined by a negative attitude and bad behavior from their mom’s house. I understand these kids have divorce trauma and difficultly adjusting house to house.. but at the same time the baggage is also a lot for me to carry. I don’t know if anyone in my place and time and age dealing with this. All my friends are just finishing their masters and onto their careers and don’t have kids really let alone step children. Let me just say how hard it is. Mentally emotionally everything. I go out to an event and his ex wife is there. I’m showering his ex wife walks through the house to “just grab shoes” for her kid. I have to deal with that baggage along with being the perfect primed flawless step mother perfect example or I get yelled at bc his ex wife will take him to court. That’s baggage and pressure. He also takes care of his parents so even if I get a kid free day it’s more than likely his mother will want to suck my time and energy away from me. I eventually moved out because I just couldn’t stand the up at the crack of dawn revolving my life around what everyone else wants or needs and if I ever wanted to go out with my mom and shop or have lunch for a break then I’d be questioned by his mother where when who why because of her lack of boundaries or came back to a house with him and his kids and sit on the couch feeling left out bc they function a certain way before me. Like idk. I just don’t know. I feel suffocated thinking about moving back in and marrying to this for life. I love my fiance, I’m excited to be with him forever, I just also look forward to weekends with just him. Where we can go out to dinner get a drink or the casino and come home and have loud sex. Not quickies in a locked room quietly bc the kids r here. I understand there’s a certain responsibility that comes with being a step mom but I’m also trying to understand if I get any leeway? Any say… any way I can have my autonomy without feeling like if I don’t abide by this family that was already created and functioned before me if I can have a space for myself my voice my energy my space…