u/Lazy-Tomato4176

Im 20 years old and struggle with low self esteem and social anxiety. I have mostly overcome social anxiety with the help of my therapist but I can’t overcome the self esteem problems. I have a height insecurity as a 5’8 man and constantly compare myself to others (especially in this case).

I have repeatedly had people tell me I am average height and my proportions look like an average person too but my brain just refuses to let go. My therapist told me it’s my brain blaming my feelings of inferiority and insufficiency on something more tangible, but even though I know these things my brain still gets caught in the height comparison loop and making me feel bad about it.

My brain always ignores the good things being said and latches onto the bad things being said. For example, 10 people will tell me my height is average and normal and my brain will register it as “they’re saying that to make you feel better” or “they’re wrong how could that be true” but when a single person says I look short I never forget it, it’s like a confirmation. So what those 10 people said goes down the drain and I get caught on what that one person says. I also can’t take compliments at all and my brain treats it similar to the average height comments. My brain also ignores the good things I experience, for example some time back a friend of a friend who’s about 5’6 tall (decently tall for a girl) had told her friend she was interested in me. But my brain completely ignores this and carries on believing that I’m too short for any girls to find me attractive.

Why am I like this? Why does my brain never register the good things I experience but only the bad things? My self esteem can never grow like this as I refuse to believe the good things subconsciously. Please someone explain how I can break out of this loop.

Im 20 years old and 5’7.5-5’8 (5’7.7 during the day over 5’8 in the morning and knowing these measurements already says a lot lol) also I feel like claiming 5’8 is cope in my head. I’ve been told multiple times that my height is average and I have the proportions of an average person many times but I’m still constantly insecure about it. I’ve realised that it’s not because I’m genuinely short but as my therapist says it’s just an easy way for my brain to blame the feelings of inferiority and insufficiency. I constantly compare myself to others in terms of height in social settings and it’s mentally draining. One day I’m fine about my height and the next day I hate it.

The insecurities also stem from not having any relationships my whole life and I’ve realised the same about a lot of men nowadays. Most men are desperately looking for some validation from women or even men (for example constantly searching things like “Am I tall enough?” or posting themselves online asking “Am I chopped?”) as they have never felt the love of a women and heard their compliments towards them before.

But even though I know these things I always return to the same habits and thoughts. For example, I see a celebrity or famous person who looks short or gets called short, I search their height, realise we are same or similar height so I start feeling insecure and down again. Sometimes I think if only I was 2-3 inches taller but then I realise would that truly fix the issue? Cause I’ll just end up feeling the same about something else that might not be height.

When I say these things I think a lot of men in the 5’7-5’9 height range experience similar things and I just wanted to ask, how do I break out of this height insecurity cycle? Even though I know it’s not a big problem I keep getting caught in it again.

Im a second year student about to finish and go into the summer holiday. I have not found an internship. My courses practical modules are all focused on swe. In my first year summer i had retakes so i was unable to complete leetcode and other swe related things so i am bad at screening exams for swe roles and have failed the ones i tried previously. I dislike swe, leetcode and coding in general (creating from scratch) so it makes it harder to learn leetcode and pass these exams. My cv is just swe projects and i know nothing practical outside of programming. I want to pivot into a different role that isn’t swe using my degree. Swe has the most available entry level roles but I struggle to get into it. What do i do? I want to pivot into something else, maybe cybersecurity or data science but is that a good choice and is there better entry level roles I should work towards? I’m willing to do extra work during my summer holiday to pivot into something else.