u/Lazy-Middle7970

My boyfriend (25M) and I (25F) are in a relationship since college, it’s been 6 years now. And we are looking to get married soon.

Right now there are a lot of issues, his parents are not allowing this marriage because of him being from an upper caste and I am from lower caste. And it’s highly likely that even if we marry it will be against their will and I won’t be getting any “Family” happiness after marriage.

Now my another issue is that, my boyfriend is an extreme workaholic, out of 6 years we have been together, 6 years was college life and then started his job in Investment Banking. I earlier thought that he is hustling in college to get ahead and will settle later.

But I am now realising that he likes the hustle. His working hours are - on normal days 9am-10pm and on live deals etc it goes upto 9-3. He has to work on weekends too for 4-6 hours and barely has any time. And by the time he comes home he is extremely tired and just wants to rest. Right now we are in a long distance relationship, and he doesn’t have any energy to call or discuss anything by the end of the night. And on weekends when he has some time on his hands, he has a very VERY active social life.
He’s always having one plan or another with his college friends or juniors or other friends. Their birthdays, housewarming parties, if someone out of town comes to meet him. He will be available there ALWAYS. And on weekends when he has two days free, he doesn’t even care to call me, and even if does it’s barely for like 1 hour or so. And I am usually waiting for him all week, to spend some quality time with him. I am not able to understand if he even wants this relationship or he’s just a type of person where relationship is a very minor thing for him, supporting his career and social life.

For him the priority goes like - Career, social life, family and relationship. With career and social life taking upto 80-85% of his intent and time.
For me the priority goes like - Family, Relationship, Career and social life.
And I could see that there’s a clear mismatch.

We both love each other a lot. It’s just we are very different. For him the whole idea is - spend as much time on career as possible, then have lots and lots of social life, he’s willing to take me everywhere with him. But the thing is I am an ambivert and he’s an extreme extrovert. So he thrives in those social settings and I would go only because I get to spend time with him, otherwise I wouldn’t because he won’t let go of his social plans to be with me. He does go on dates with me and all but that only comes after I constantly bugged him about this for weeks and he would be like ok we can do where he would mostly talking about physical stuff and then remaining time indulge in physical intimacy in relationship. I don’t understand what does that mean, like I am an emotionally rich person and I want to experience life with my partner. Apart from physical intimacy, I want to be with him, cook with him, all those cheesy relationship stuff. For me the whole idea is have a job to support myself financially, and with the money spend quality time with my partner and friends and family.

His priorities are bothering me and I feel that I am not going to get his side of “family” life anyhow because of their unhappiness towards this marriage. And he will be an absent husband too. And because this is a love marriage, I will be very lonely emotionally.

I would appreciate any advice. Is love enough to get through this situation? Or it will burn me out down the lane? Because he’s not going to change, and even if he does try, it’s very clear that he’s doing it out of helplessness and is not happy about it. So Idk what to do? It feels like it’s a mistake if we get married. But we love each other so much :(

TLDR:: Boyfriend is an extreme workaholic and an investment banker and likes to socialise in the free time. Hence got no time for relationship AT ALL. Girlfriend has relationship centred life and misses him, and don’t know if they should marry.

My boyfriend (25M) and I (25F) are in a relationship since college, it’s been 6 years now. And we are looking to get married soon.

Right now there are a lot of issues, his parents are not allowing this marriage because of him being from an upper caste and I am from lower caste. And it’s highly likely that even if we marry it will be against their will and I won’t be getting any “Family” happiness after marriage.

Now my another issue is that, my boyfriend is an extreme workaholic, out of 6 years we have been together, 6 years was college life and then started his job in Investment Banking. I earlier thought that he is hustling in college to get ahead and will settle later.

But I am now realising that he likes the hustle. His working hours are - on normal days 9am-10pm and on live deals etc it goes upto 9-3. He has to work on weekends too for 4-6 hours and barely has any time. And by the time he comes home he is extremely tired and just wants to rest. Right now we are in a long distance relationship, and he doesn’t have any energy to call or discuss anything by the end of the night. And on weekends when he has some time on his hands, he has a very VERY active social life.
He’s always having one plan or another with his college friends or juniors or other friends. Their birthdays, housewarming parties, if someone out of town comes to meet him. He will be available there ALWAYS. And on weekends when he has two days free, he doesn’t even care to call me, and even if does it’s barely for like 1 hour or so. And I am usually waiting for him all week, to spend some quality time with him. I am not able to understand if he even wants this relationship or he’s just a type of person where relationship is a very minor thing for him, supporting his career and social life.

For him the priority goes like - Career, social life, family and relationship. With career and social life taking upto 80-85% of his intent and time.
For me the priority goes like - Family, Relationship, Career and social life.
And I could see that there’s a clear mismatch.

We both love each other a lot. It’s just we are very different. For him the whole idea is - spend as much time on career as possible, then have lots and lots of social life, he’s willing to take me everywhere with him. But the thing is I am an ambivert and he’s an extreme extrovert. So he thrives in those social settings and I would go only because I get to spend time with him, otherwise I wouldn’t because he won’t let go of his social plans to be with me. He does go on dates with me and all but that only comes after I constantly bugged him about this for weeks and he would be like ok we can do where he would mostly talking about physical stuff and then remaining time indulge in physical intimacy in relationship. I don’t understand what does that mean, like I am an emotionally rich person and I want to experience life with my partner. Apart from physical intimacy, I want to be with him, cook with him, all those cheesy relationship stuff. For me the whole idea is have a job to support myself financially, and with the money spend quality time with my partner and friends and family.

His priorities are bothering me and I feel that I am not going to get his side of “family” life anyhow because of their unhappiness towards this marriage. And he will be an absent husband too. And because this is a love marriage, I will be very lonely emotionally.

I would appreciate any advice. Is love enough to get through this situation? Or it will burn me out down the lane? Because he’s not going to change, and even if he does try, it’s very clear that he’s doing it out of helplessness and is not happy about it. So Idk what to do? It feels like it’s a mistake if we get married. But we love each other so much :(

TLDR:: Boyfriend is an extreme workaholic and an investment banker and likes to socialise in the free time. Hence got no time for relationship AT ALL. Girlfriend has relationship centred life and misses him, and don’t know if they should marry.