Trying to stay strong while everything around me falls apart
21 F. I was having an amazing life. I graduated with my AS at 21 and got into a great nursing school the same year, with a lot of support from my family. Then, in the last couple of months, everything started going extremely downhill.
My parents decided to divorce. For context, we rent a small apartment for $2k in the Bay Area. They both have terrible spending habits, around $20–40k in debt, and very very minimal savings. My dad moved out, so now they both have to work twice as much to cover separate rent instead of what they were used to.
I can see it in them that they’re exhausted. And my mom has been taking it out on me. My mom practically yells at me every day over stupid stuff like not cleaning the fork well enough or forgetting to sweep the hallway. My dad is nicer, but it hurts seeing him get into more debt (45k + and 8+ credit cards). He has diabetes, yet spends most of his money on junk food.
It got so bad that it caused a mental decline for me, and I ended up failing my nursing clinicals over it. Nursing school was the only thing that got me out of the house and kept me grounded. I’ve also wanted to be a nurse since I was a little girl, so seeing my timeline get pushed back has been really hard.
It’s been a month since I’ve been out of nursing school, and I feel severely depressed. I feel like I lost everything my family, my schooling, my career, and myself.
It’s kind of crazy too, because about two weeks ago my dad got into a car accident and I had to send him money to help cover it. Then today he hit a curb so bad he got a flat, and I had to send him money again. I think he’s just tired from work…
I also just feel terribly behind in life because of this major setback. Seeing all my friends graduate from their schools hurt a lot.
Some thoughts have crept into my mind, but I know I would never actually do it.
I’m lost, depressed and need help.