Divorce in Canada vent
Salam all,
I’m someone located in Northern Ontario (Canada)
I’m going through a divorce but I just wanted to vent, but of a niche post since it’s Islamic/ Muslim.
My wife suddenly left our marriage after a heated argument and things escalated extremely fast afterward. I’m trying to figure out if I’m being unreasonable or if this situation was genuinely handled badly.
When we got together, she had little/no savings, a maxed student LOC, and growing OSAP debt. I financially carried most things during the relationship:
household expenses,
tuition/school costs,
phone/car/insurance,
daily living expenses.
After a major argument, she packed and left suddenly. At first I thought she just needed a few days of space. I only realized how serious things were when my insurance company contacted me saying she had changed her address and needed me to sign a release.
Even after leaving, she sent messages like:
“Why didn’t you come this weekend?”
“If you really wanted to work on this…”
“I think I would have given you a second chance if you showed up.”
I was scared of making things worse, but eventually I drove almost 4 hours to try and reconcile.
The meeting went horribly. Her father insulted me, said I didn’t deserve a wife with his daughter’s “earning potential” (she is currently unemployed and still in school), and told me to leave.
During that visit she publicly accused me of choking her, which I completely deny. There was never any police involvement or legal finding against me.
I left calmly, shook her father’s hand, and went home.
The next week:
divorce papers were filed,
a lawyer got involved, and I started receiving formal requests for property and money-related information.
Despite that, I still:
returned her belongings,
released her phone number back to her,
cooperated on logistics,
and tried not to escalate things.
Meanwhile:
wedding and family photos were deleted,which is understandable considering the divorce but Photo Booth pictures that were paid 50/50 from both sides, my sides access got revoked.
I’m repeatedly accused of abuse
and any financial concerns from my side get ignored as she took the joint bank account and E transferred to herself.
There’s also a dispute over Islamic mehr/wedding money. I believe I already fulfilled it through gifts/cash/transfers. She denies that and now says mehr doesn’t need to be returned because she claims abuse.
I had one phone call with her prior to the divorce, in which she mentioned she will settle the money between us, even sent me a transfer. I didn’t accept as I was still trying to work this out.
She now denies sending me cash, agreeing to send cash, or ever receiving her Mehr. Her take is that the money was a gift to her for idk what, and gifts (like appliances) I gave when we got married don’t count ( which I agree with). Theres clear proof she received the amount in Cash.
Is this a case of her divorce wouldn’t be valid Islamically considering there is no proof of abuse, and she would have to return the mehr ?
Or
Is this a case of the family bending the rules to their advantage ?
Does she have a point ? I don’t care about even receiving this money back.