u/LawUnique8829

This may be long, I started dabbling with sex work at 19 and then moved cities at 22 and went full blown into stripping for 4 years I’m 26 now, I had a pimp and have had pimps terrorize me since I was 18 , escaped them numerous times and still ended up with one for 2.5 years. I left him and kept not a single dollar, it’s been just over a year now, I have cut back on how much I work at the club, but I’m drowning in bills I live downtown Toronto and the only thing I kept from that situation was a Porsche and it’s so expensive to maintain , I’ve thought of every business plan you can imagine to get out, it literally drains my soul going into work even when I need money. Sometimes I think I’d rather be broke than go and dance on guys and be touched in ways I don’t want to be touched. The thing is I’m really good at my job too, I can sell like crazy and make triple the amt in a short time. But I’ve grown closer to god and have this super heavy feeling in my heart 24/7. I am so talented I play piano, I went to fashion school, I am insanely artistic and creative in almost all mediums. I just have this doubtfulness and this anxiety that I can’t leave I just feel stuck and I can’t move forward or backward. My last pimp was really hard on me , when I told him I didn’t want to be with him anymore he just asked for 10k I gave it to him and he drove off and didn’t say a word and I haven’t spoke to him since. The trauma is def still there. I’ve been burnt out for the past year , and even some of my stripper friends are still in the game and they don’t experience how I feel , they are just so motivated by money and they don’t care what they have to do to get it. I used to be like that I get it and I don’t judge but there’s something inside me that’s like I know I’m meant for more than this, and I have the brains and the talent to serve the world in a purposeful way , but dancing and just feeling stuck in an old identity is keeping me stagnant. It’s such a cycle , one time a couple months ago I made 7k in a night and I felt nothing. I felt ashamed actually. It sounds like I’m complaining about making a lot of money when there’s lots of people out there that can barely put food on their table, and I understand I’m blessed that I’m able to do that but please understand it’s more of a psychological battle than anything. I got a serving job and I can make decent money but I find it’s such a similar industry , alchoholics everywhere and such low vibration still, I thought it would do it for me but it’s almost worse. And I’m like making half the money as I do at the strip club. I still do both and thought maybe I can transition slowly but it’s a battle and I’m just all over the place. I just need some advice not judgement. I don’t have family and this has kept me afloat for my early 20s, there’s just got to be some way to change my mindset or have a plan to build something that fuels my soul not just my pockets. Is there anyone who can offer some sort of advice or who have been in a similar situation ? Im really open to hearing anything