u/LavishnessLife6949

I had requested to talk to the girl first before meeting but got a no saying that its better to meet in person along with the families. So we met and talked for over an hour (got privacy to talk to eachother). It was okay though I could sense some difference in opinions

1. Temple, I am not a spiritual person. I would like to question and try to see through things. Following things blindly is not my thing. But she is a deep spiritual person, she loves going to temple.
2. Bangalore, I stay in Bangalore and I work in a niche domain where other cities cant provide a job with good pay and work and I love to stay in Bangalore far from home city because of space. But she doesn't like Bangalore and prefers to stay in Hyderabad. (My parents told them before meeting that Bangalore is the only option)

The day we met, I felt from the conversations that she needed time. So thought to give some time before I contact again. Later parents contacted their parents and shared me her number.

I talked with her later and then the temple topic came up. She said that she expects me to take her to temple whenever she wants to go. I again told her I dont like to go to temples because I honestly dont feel anything going there and it is always crowded in cities and far from peaceful (She said she we will go on peak occasion days). I then said, Hey I will come with you sometimes and sometimes we can probably go outside city and go to a temple on a hill with less crowd and make it some fun ride trek/temple. She certainly didn't like this idea. She felt that it is too much work to go to a temple. I foolishly told this with my parents and they literally shunned me for not saying "I will take you always" 🙂 (All my family elders are spiritual). I let it slide, thinking I will adjust for her.

Next conversation, among other things I asked about her financial plans and what she thinks about sharing. She was okay with sharing which is good. Then I asked her about her future career plans and whether she wants to work. She said yes with a break when she has kids. This is what I am looking for too because I beleive in building a life together and both of us working is critical and I also want to share all of the house responsibilities. Like cute us two against the world sort of. Then I explained her that this is what I am looking for and how I hate people who sit at home idle making their life stagnant and honestly I think it will unground them from working life problems and create issues. I also told her that I cant be only one calling or texting each time and I perceive it as no interest in me then she responded with she is not the type that can call people up, not even her friends. Her friends call her and she talks nicely. I told her relationships needs effort from both ends and even her friends also feel happy when she calls them.

Fast forward later I got to know that (she --> her parents --> my parents --> me) bringing up financial views is a taboo. Like how I can ask about finance. (There is pressure from her father, he wants to get her married before June this year or something and I realized I may not get much time, so I asked these early). Then I also got to know that she got uncomfortable because I shared my opinion on how I hate idle sitting at home people. Poor me, here I thought I will share my opinions so that she could understand me better. (My parents are not happy with this again, that how I can talk about finanace and share how I feel about being unemployed 🙂).

Next call, she said that she likes shopping and doesn't look at price tags and gets whatever she likes and that she expects me to take her shopping whenever she likes and also to parlor/dermat for any skin treatment or something. (I do shopping only when needed and I definetely look at price tags, middle class genes). I said that I can do these sometimes, as I might be busy with some other work or some activity. She got disappointed and told me how her daddy always makes time for her to take her to dermat and shopping 🙂. I got irritated at this but I kept my calm and told her that I am different person than her father and the relationship will be different too. Later I remembered that how she was uncomfortable about my opinion on non working people and told her she can share If she is uncomfortable about something directly to me, she was like okay. Then she got on to ask a question "What will you do If I stop working after 5 years?" I am like what! Is there any reason that you would stop working, some health issues or not liking your work or something? She was like "nope, I just stop doing it and I might even learn a new hobby which may cost money"

I gave up at that point man. Here I am adjusting for her to go to temples and take her shopping and she isn't even acknowledging the efforts, hell even comparing with her father. She also said ki she has anger issues and I need to be patient (I was like okay lets see)