Hi, so long story short, I F31 and don't help my D5, almost 6 in Oct to build her puzzles and Legos?
A little more context: my daughter has autism, but it's very mild, only in the social part of things, but she's very bright, and she absolutely loves problem-solving puzzles and Legos that are way above her age recommendation (e.g., she's doing the Eevee one right now that's 18+ bcs she loves Pokémon). We used to buy her Legos and puzzles for her age, but recently she expressed that they were boring and too easy and that she wanted harder projects along those lines, and I said, "Of course, we can get you harder ones, but just know they are for big kids," and she was aware of this. And now, when she's doing them, I don't assist her when she's frustrated; I don't tell her how to fix it, and I don't do it for her. I only help her regulate her emotions. I express it's okay to feel that way, but it's important not to give up and to turn that frustration around, and I only assist her to redirect her towards the instructions or the images so she can find her own way. Now here's my AITA part: I feel like an asshole for not helping her because her dad sits down with her and helps her differently. He's more hands-on, and I'm not saying he does it for her, but he helps her a little more in the sense of showing her how to do it rather than her relying on her own mind and the image, so i feel insanely guilty because he's around sometimes when i help her my own way, and he goes to her, and I can't help but feel like I'm fucking up even tho he doesn't express any type of judgment. I silently feel like he does (just to make it clear, he says nothing, he doesn't react, he doesn't even act up; he just happily helps her differently, and I just feel like I'm not mothering in the right way).
Should I be more hands-on, considering she has autism, as Dad does? I really want to encourage independence and emotional regulation, but I genuinely don't know because of her condition if I'm going about this in the wrong way ( also I've never dealt with this condition before, other than my recently diagnosed only daugther) I want to make sure Im actually supporting her the right way.