Westbound and Wild - a story about the road, freedom, and not knowing where it leads
Hi, this is a piece I wrote and I’d really appreciate some feedback on the writing itself, how it reads, how it flows, and what it makes you feel.
More specifically, I’d be really interested to know:
- whether you feel connected to the story,
- if it draws you in or takes you somewhere,
- and if any images come to mind while reading.
If certain scenes or visuals stand out to you, I’d genuinely love to hear about them. I’m also thinking ahead about a possible video direction, so that kind of feedback would be really valuable.
There is a musical version of this piece as well, but for now I’d prefer to focus on the text itself (the first I wrote).
Many thanks in advance for your thoughts.
(Boy singer)
I was seventeen with a worn-out pack
Just a few bucks and a one-way track
Fled Carolina, thumb in the breeze
Chasin' the ghosts of the westbound dreams
Washed grease-stained plates in Tennessee
Worked sun-baked fields in Missouri
Some Kansas suit said "you'll do fine"
Bustin' my back for a nickel ... down the mine
I'm westbound and wild, nowhere I've been
Crossin' this country through dust and sin
I knocked on doors from town to town
Most just stared or turned me down
The game is rigged and the dice don't care
Yet empty hands still offered me a share
(Girl singer)
Met a boy with a rebel's grin
Hair in the wind, boots wore thin
He said, "Ain't got much but I got time"
And we rode off, partners in crime
(Both, or one or the other from now on)
We picked peaches and patched old roofs
Shared campfire songs and made-up truths
We worked through heat, we slept through cold
Two gritty souls too young to fold
Still westbound and wild, with no end in sight
Danced in a barn to a broke-down band
Swapped old stories in the red rock sand
Built a fire by a dead freight track
Tossed our pasts in the fire's crack
Through Great Plains dust and Rockies snow
We lost some friends, let others go
We burned our cash, hotwired a ride
Driving too fast with red lights behind
We reached the ocean, stood in silence
No spark, no path and no guidance
The waves rolled loud, the wind blew chill
But nothing could quiet that wanderer's will
So we claimed a boat and left the shore
Chasin' a west that don't end no more
The sky's turning dark, bodies getting cold
Storm on the edge of the map we hold
"We might not make it through"
"But what's the point if we don't stay true?"
We're westbound and wild, blind to it all
Dreams in our hands, backs to the wall
Freedom's a fire that don't fear the flame
Even if freedom forgets your name
When we go down, we won't be chained
Just two wild hearts, proud and untamed
What's the point if we don't stay true?
Westbound and wild
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1sud2ud/comment/oi01a2s/?context=3
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1smxsjj/comment/oi00env/?context=3