crush on isfp guy HELP ME
hey my dear isfps,
I (intj 5w4, 20f) have a problem, or at least what seems to be a huge problem to me… Let me elaborate; I have a crush on a friend of mine (20m), who happens to be an isfp…
I don’t fucking know what to do, so I’m js posting this here cuz idk?? Sorry for my emotional writing, I’m all over the place. Usually I’m not.
So, him and I have been friends for abt 1.5 years now. We went to the same school and first talked during our graduation trip. Before that, I didn’t like him AT ALL.
Where do I even begin??? I will not tell our
whole story, like how me met and stuff.
So, basically... Last year, I sorta had the feeling that he might like me??? I wasn’t sure, since I’m really bad with emotional and non-verbal stuff, so I just shrugged it off as “wishful thinking”, since without evidence one can make no claim. During that time I also had a crush on a guy with whom he (my friend) was also kinda friends with. After he rejected me, I told my friend. I remember thinking “If I tell him about it, I might hurt him” but again, I shrugged it off. That was in February of last year. During that time also called several times a week for a bit more than a month, with each call lasting 2+h, most well until after midnight. Our conversations were partially about shallow things, but mostly they were really deep. I remember consciously thinking that these calls strengthened our friendship and that we grew a whole lot closer. I also remember thinking that our friendship was sorta special and different from all my other ones.
We didnt hang out in person tho. One time he tried to ask me to the cinema, But he asked it in a manner that really confused me??? In between the lines, so I misunderstood and invited other people to come along as well… It was 9 months later that I realised he had only meant him and me.
The first time he asked to call, he also said that we don’t find enough time to talk with each other in school anyways. Does that not imply that he wanted to spend time with me? Anyways, back then I also wanted to do things with him, but I was waiting for him to ask first. That’s the matter with him, he NEVER says what he wants. In general, I mean. His needs and wants come up during conversations when it happens to “fit”, he seems not to be able to just state what he wants. This srsly pmo. Like, he barely ever texts first too, bruh. He js seems to be really passive. He feels a lot, but doesn’t really open up about his emotions, though when you talk to him about yours, he can help.
We had 3 classes together. Two of which were English and Spanish (neither of those are our native language). I happen to be fluent in both of them (I lived in LatAm for 4 yrs and my mom’s a huge fan of Spanish telenovela). Whenever something funny happened or was said in class, we always looked at each other fist. I remember that it felt really awkward and like “wth was that?!” and “next time, do NOT look at him.”. In Spanish class, his grades did not affect his final grade. In my country most students is skip the class if they do not need it. He however stayed and actually made an effort, even though it was useless to him. In the class, his body was also obviously turned in my direction and I was like (in my head of) “BOY WHAT ARE YOU DOING. NONONONONONONO, STOPP STOP STOP STOP, PLEASE JUST TURN AROUND JUST TURN AROUND, TURN AROUND PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!”. ARGHHH IT WAS SOOOO AWKWARD HELP MEEEEE 😭
In our graduation yearbook we had the choice to write comments to other ppl. For me he wrote smth like this; ”you’re incredibly fascinating. Though your cognitive abilities are really impressive, you empathetic abilities are even more. You are a lot about other people and also about what they of you. I am certain that you will find more friends who love you as much as we love you“. Btw, after meeting him is when I started to develop my social skills, and making my friends happy. I do go out of my way to make my friends feel seen.
My brain is trying to make me believe he actually liked me, but I think that was just wishful thinking.
After graduation, he went abroad for 9 months, 18000 km (11185 miles) away. He is set to return him this month. When he left I really didn’t gaf. I was js happy for him and wished him a good time and that kinda stuff. In October that year I kinda missed him a bit and I dreamt that I texted him that I miss him lots. For 3 months I believed that I actually texted it to him irl, but turns out it was just a dream LMAO. Then, in November I went to a mutual friend’s birthday party. There a mutual friend of him and her was also present (my friend introduced them to each other). Their mutual friend mentioned my friend’s name, and that was the moment I fell for him. Yeah, I know. That’s stupid as hell. I was like, in my head: “Oh, Herman! He’s my friend, I love him sooo much platonically! Herman, Herman… Herman….” (not his real name btw). LMAO, ever since then I couldn’t stop thinking about him… At first I tried to kinda fight it. When I first met him I thought “Lmao, he’s the kind of guy I could NEVER get a crush on“. And after the bday I was like “Ok, be careful now… If I don’t stop thinking about him, I will develop romantic feelings for him. We do NOT want that!!”. Welp, guess what happened. I did develop romantic feelings...
Anyways… He has a YouTube channel where he posts about his travels. He uses AI images for like 1/8 of the content (ICK). It was js all normal stuff. His friends comment and he always replies. The replies to my comments always got extra attention from him which I really liked. Anyways, his last video was about van life where he is rn, and the thumbnail was an ai generated image of a couple n other stuff that appears in the video. That basically confirms that the prompt must’ve been something like “Couple inside van […]“. A clip from the video was also filmed from the pssanger’s seats perspective, confirming my suspicions. Also, on Spotify he made a playlist with another girl exchanging songs from their respective countries ig. So far, he has not added anything else than what he added in the beginning. But she did. She randomly added one romantic song abt saying goodbye or smth in English, NOT HER LANGUAGE, and another ENGLISH song on his BIRTHDAY.
💔💔💔💔💔💔💔
This really breaks my heart. I think I should confess when he’s back ig… I have high academic goals, but with this emotional distraction, it’s not going quite as planned.
What do you guys think? Should I confess? How should I even confess? 😭😭😭