u/Late-Elevator9550

Hey team, here I am again opening another discussion, this time about dating apps, specifically strategies that help create attraction and move toward a meetup without spending weeks stuck in endless texting.

One thing I’ve been thinking about: most attractive women on dating apps probably receive significantly more matches and conversations than the average guy. Because of that, I imagine they get flooded with the same predictable “hey, how was your day?” type conversations over and over again.

So it made me wonder if standing out is less about trying harder, and more about avoiding the same patterns everyone else uses.

Instead of generic interview-style texting, maybe the better approach is:

- playful assumptions

- teasing

- emotionally engaging observations

- push/pull dynamics

- creating a vibe instead of exchanging résumés

Basically, thinking about what most guys are doing… and experimenting with the opposite.

Curious to hear from both men and women:

- what actually makes a conversation memorable on dating apps?

- what instantly kills attraction?

- what styles of texting have worked best for you?

Below is an example of a conversation that, in my opinion, went really well and naturally built enough chemistry that I’ll probably ask her out within the next few messages.

For context:

- we matched on Bumble

- she’s Asian, so my assumption was that super aggressive teasing probably wouldn’t land as well early on

- her opening move was:

“Date night in or date night out?”

Now here’s where I think I could accidentally become predictable.

If I'd instantly go with:

“Date night in 😏 I’ll cook for you…”

there’s a decent chance it comes across too forward too early.

If I'd go with:

“Dinner/drinks/out”

that’s fine… but probably identical to 90% of her matches.

So I tried to answer in a way that was playful, safe, and slightly flirtatious at the same time:

Me:

“First date? Out for sure. Public place, good lighting, witnesses nearby… you're adorable, but I’m still not fully convinced hanging out with you is safe 😄😌”

She:

“I'll take that as a compliment, you have a good eye for spotting trouble then 😁”

Me:

“Well… you definitely look like the type to cause trouble and still get away with it just because you’re cute... I should be cautious 😉”

She:

“That’s not entirely wrong tho, should I be cautious as well?”

Me:

“You should. I seem sweet at first and then suddenly just bully you for fun, and I might tease you a little too much 😌”

She:

“That sounds like fun, I’m often the teasing one too but only when I get to know you enough 😉”

At this point the conversation already shifted away from “strangers exchanging information” into playful man-to-woman energy.

Then I leaned further into the dynamic:

Me:

“Haha. A teasing competition sounds healthy and emotionally mature enough for me 😄😌”

Me:

“You and I might not get along though… we’re too similar. We would either have lots of fun together or absolutely hate each other haha 😄”

She:

“It can go either way 🤣 but I only make snarky comments in my head when I first meet someone. Might be too nervous to say it out loud.”

Me:

“Aww so cute and harmless. Now I’m imagining you standing there quietly while roasting me internally haha”

She:

“Oh I definitely would do that 😉”

At this point I felt enough comfort/playfulness had been built, so I started transitioning toward setting up a date:

Me, using closing sequence from Tod V.

“Haha… are you adventurous?”

She:

“A bit scared of heights, but other than that I’d say yes. I tend to say yes to spontaneous adventures 😁”

From my perspective, this is usually the point where asking her out feels natural instead of forced.

Curious what you guys think:

- what parts worked?

- what would you have done differently?

- where do you think the attraction actually started building?

Hi team, as I get back into the dating world, I’ve been thinking about ways to better convey intent and escalate naturally on dates. I had the idea of putting together a list of simple lines that can be effective during interactions on dates.

This is meant to be a collaborative post, so I’d love for people to contribute and help build something more comprehensive.

Disclaimer: not all of these are original. Some were inspired by game/dating content I’ve come across online.

Lines I’ve been using:

• “Okay, imagine we were in [her country/city] — where would you take me?”

• “I have the impression you’re going to be one of the most unique people I’ve met in a while.”

• “You have a very expressive face.”

• “Do you have any idea how adorable those little expressions are that you make after finishing your sentences?”

• “You have a cute laugh/smile.”

• “You’re adorable, but the way you look at me sometimes feels like you already know something I don’t.”

• “You’re very cute, but I’m half convinced you’re a bad influence.”

• “I had absolutely no idea what to expect from you… but so far, you’re doing alright ”

• Fake breakup

Say she mentions something you can “disagree” with, for example: “Oh… you don’t like cats?”

Then act dramatically serious:

“It was really nice meeting you, but I think you should go now. It’s not you, it’s me. I want you to know that I still think you’re a wonderful person… but maybe it’s time for us to let each other go”

• Playful qualification

Say she mentions a few traits that can be framed positively (e.g. she’s into art and loves music).

You can say:

“Right… so you’re artsy and a music lover. Okay, what is that I'm gonna hate about you down the line so we can get it out of the way early and I can start liking you”

Any feedback is welcome. Please feel free to share your own lines so we can build something genuinely useful for the community.

First of all, I’d like to thank everyone who helped me with my approach anxiety. There were a lot of genuinely helpful comments on my last post, and I really appreciated the support.

Last evening, I finally made a move and did my second approach since becoming single again — and this one actually went really well. I had a nice interaction with a cute girl and managed to get the number close.

So for anyone interested, here’s how the interaction went.

I had been wandering around the city centre for about 40 minutes. I’d seen a few girls I thought were cute and wanted to approach, but I kept hesitating. Eventually I started getting that feeling of, “Damn, I’m going to go home again without approaching anyone,” and I knew I’d feel bad about it later.

Then I saw this cute girl walking on the opposite side of the street. I crossed over, matched her walking pace, got beside her, and opened.

Me: “Excuse me.”

She stopped walking and looked at me with a completely neutral expression.

Me: “Hi. I have absolutely no business talking to you, but I wanted to come say hi because you’re quite cute.”

After I finished the sentence, she held the neutral face for another second… then suddenly gave me a very warm smile.

Her: “Thank you.”

Me: “My name is *****.”

I extended my hand and she shook it.

Her: “Sorry, what was your name again?”

Me: “*****.”

Her: “I’m *****.”

Me: “Nice to meet you. You have a bit of a vibe… are you from [region]?”

Her: “Yes.”

Me: “Where from?”

She told me the country, and then I hit her with “How are you?” in her language.

She replied in her language too, and I immediately admitted:

Me: “Haha, I actually don’t know anything beyond ‘How are you?’”

She laughed and asked where I was from.

I told her I was from a very small town she probably never heard of. Then I asked what she was up to.

She paused for a second and said:

Her: “Nothing, I’m just going back home.”

Me: “Are you walking this way?”

Her: “Yeah.”

Me: “Okay, let’s walk then.”

So we started walking together.

At this point the conversation became way more natural. I asked what she did, what she was passionate about, how long she’d been in NZ, etc. She told me she studied ecology and was planning to visit her parents next month.

One thing I noticed was that once she smiled after my opener, almost all my anxiety disappeared. Before that smile my brain felt overloaded. After the smile, I relaxed and suddenly I could think clearly, speak naturally, and actually lead the interaction.

At one point we reached a bus stop and she stopped walking.

Me: “Are you catching a bus?”

Her: “Yeah, but it’s only coming in 6 minutes.”

Honestly, that made me feel great because I took it as a sign she wanted to keep talking instead of ending the interaction immediately.

So we kept chatting.

Then a fire truck went past with sirens blasting loudly and interrupted me mid-sentence. Once it passed I said:

Me: “They’re so noisy… and you know what’s funny? It’s probably all just for a cat stuck in a tree.”

She laughed.

A little later I said:

Me: “You’re actually quite interesting. I think I’d like to take you out for a drink sometime. Do you like bubble tea?”

Her: “Sorry, I don’t know what that is.”

Me: “You don’t know what bubble tea is?”

Her: “Ohhh wait, yes I do. I like it.”

Me: “Perfect. Let’s go for bubble tea sometime. We can exchange numbers now and sort out a day later.”

Her: “Okay.”

I pulled out my phone… and because I was nervous, I completely forgot her name.

Then I remembered a Todd V tip and recovered with:

Me: “Wait, how do I spell your name?”

She spelled it.

Then I asked:

Me: “Do you still remember my name?”

Her: “Hmm… no.”

Me: “It’s alright, I won’t bully you for that. I might bully you for other things though.”

She smiled again.

After getting the number, I remembered another thing Todd V talks about — that even after a successful number close, there’s still a risk of flaking, so it’s good to stay a bit longer and keep the interaction warm instead of instantly leaving.

So I stayed and kept chatting for another few minutes.

At one point I asked:

Me: “So in your family… are you the troublemaker or is your sibling the troublemaker?”

Her: “Actually it’s me.”

Me: “Oh god… what am I getting myself into?”

She laughed.

Then her bus was arriving, so I wrapped it up.

Me: “Alright, your bus is about to come. I should get going too, but it was really nice talking to you. I’ll text you later. Enjoy your bus ride.”

And that was it.

Later that evening I texted her my name, she replied positively, and now we’re planning a date.

Biggest takeaway from this interaction: the hardest part by far was the few seconds before opening. Once I pushed through that initial fear and she reacted warmly, everything became much easier and more natural.

Anyway, I hope this helps anyone else dealing with approach anxiety.

And if anyone has constructive feedback, feel free to bring it on.

Peace out.

First of all, I’d like to thank everyone who helped me with my approach anxiety. There were a lot of genuinely helpful comments on my last post, and I really appreciated the support.

Last evening, I finally made a move and did my second approach since becoming single again — and this one actually went really well. I had a nice interaction with a cute girl and managed to get the number close.

So I was walking back home after about 40 minutes of wondering around the city centre, sighting a few girls that I found cute and would like to, but with no success so far, that gave me a bit of a feeling that I was going home again without approaching anyone and that it would make me feel bad later once back home.

So I'm walking down a street and I see this cute girl walking up on the other side, I then cross the street and follow until I matched her walking pace and am by her side, then the following interaction happens.

Me: Excuse me

she then stop walking and look at me with a neutral face.

Me: Hi. I have no business talking to you, but I wanted to come say hi, cause you're quite cute.

After I finished this sentence she had that neutral face for one more second then she opened up a very warm smile.

She: thank you.

Me: my name is ****

I extended my hand up horizontally to the floor so she reached my hand.

She: what's your name again?

Me: *****

She: I am *****

Me: nice to meet you, you have a bit of a vibe, are you from [region].

She: yes

Me: where from?

She: ******

Me: ohh right... [How are you?] (In her language)

She then replied in her language then I said ->

Me: haha I don't know anything beyond "how are you" haha

She: where are you from?

Me: I am ******, but I'm from a very little town you probably never heard about it before...

She: ohhh...

Me: what are you up to right now?

She paused for a bit then said.

She: nothing, I'm just going back home

Me: are you walking that way?

She: yes

Me: okay let's walk that way then

We start walking...

Me: so what is your story, you work, study, do nothing, what is it?

She: so at the moment I do nothing, I am going to visit my parents next month so....

Me: right... So you're going back to ****

She: No, my parents live in ****..

Me: ohhh it must be really hot over there, after living in here for so long I feel like I can't handle hot weather anymore haha

She: ohhh yeah, last time I've been to **** it took me a long time to adapt...

Me: yeah I know how that is, I was back in **** 2 months ago and on my last few days I was just like "get me out of here it is too hot" hahaha

She smiles

Me: so what are you passionate about?

She: well I am into ecology, I graduated as a **** so I that's kinda my thing.

Me: ohhh right, you know what's funny? During school I was never the type of guy who would spend a lot of time studying, I was fortunate enough to grasp things quick to get decent grades, but [the subject she likes] I was very bad at it haha

She smiles.

She then asks about me:

She: so what about you, how long you've been here for?

Me: I've been here for *** years, or *** years and *** months as my mom counts months haha

She: is your family here with you?

Me: No. I'm here by myself, I'm probably the first person in the family to get out of the country and live overseas.

She: ahhh... And did you came here to study?

Me: No, I actually came here for an adventure, like I was recently graduated, wanted to do something different, but then with the whole covid situation and borders close I ended up going to study, then after that got a job one thing led to the other and here I am still.

She threw some comments during my explanation, for example, when mentioned that I came here for an adventure she said "that's nice" and when I mentioned about covid she said "yeah true"

At that point we reached a bus stop, then she stopped, I then asked.

How this field report sounds?

Is this how people usually report infield approaches on reddit?

Hi all.

So I have recently became single and now am back to the game, the problem is that I am having a badass approach anxiety blocking me from approaching girls on the streets.

I have done cold approaches before getting into my last relationship and had fair success overall.

The problem is that now I find myself going out on the streets planning to approach girls that I find cute, but most times end up coming back home without approaching anyone, which is so frustrating.

I am a believer that most things in life are about mindset and if you're in the right mindset you can do anything you want, so wondering if anyone would have some wise words to put me in the right direction.

Appreciate everyone, cheers.

Hi all, got back to single life a couple months ago and trying to get back in the game.

I am located in Wellington-NZ and looking for a wingman who's interested in doing cold approaches in day/night game. Reach out!