AITA for considering asking my sister to step down as a bridesmaid?
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I’m getting married in two months and I have four bridesmaids, one of them being my sister. I originally wanted my 12-year-old daughter to be one of my bridesmaids, but she’s very shy and didn’t want to stand in front of nearly 200 guests, so I asked my sister instead.
I’m paying for the bridesmaid dresses, alterations, hair, and makeup. The only thing I asked the girls to buy themselves was nude open-toe shoes so they could at least wear them again afterwards and it wouldn’t be a waste of money.
When ordering my sister’s dress, she told me what size to get. I bought it, it didn’t fit, so I had to return it and order another size. The larger size ended up costing nearly double the price because I needed a specific color and stock was limited. I still bought it, and it ended up fitting perfectly except for minor bust/waist alterations.
The issue started when I asked everyone to get nude open-toe shoes. My sister replied saying she wanted white pointed closed-toe shoes because she doesn’t like showing her toes. I thought they looked too bridal, but instead of arguing, I just left it for a bit.
Then I made a group chat with the bridesmaids saying I wanted everyone’s hair in an upstyle. My sister said she didn’t want all her hair back because she’s insecure about her forehead and wanted a half-up half-down style instead.
I privately messaged her asking if she’d gotten the shoes yet because previously she’d said she couldn’t afford them. I even sent her links to shoes that were around €10-15. She replied saying she still didn’t want open-toe shoes and would probably have to return the ones she wanted.
At that point I got frustrated and told her she was the only bridesmaid having issues with every request, between the shoes and the hair, and that I was almost afraid to bring up makeup next.
I asked her to send me inspiration photos for the hairstyle she wanted. She has shoulder-length hair, but the photos she sent were long curled half-up styles that realistically would need extensions. I checked with the hairdresser and she agreed extensions would probably be needed. My sister said she definitely didn’t want extensions, so I suggested it would just be easier if everyone had similar upstyles.
The conversation escalated after that. She said the wedding was making her anxious because she “doesn’t know what’s going on,” but at this stage the only things finalized are the dress, shoes, and hairstyle. I’m already stressed planning the wedding, so I told her if being a bridesmaid was causing her this much stress, she didn’t have to do it.
She got upset and demanded I send her every detail immediately, and things became pretty heated. She then asked me multiple times if I even wanted her standing beside me at the altar.
Now I’m wondering if I should ask her to step down because honestly it feels like every conversation becomes an argument and it’s adding stress I really don’t need right now. But I also don’t know if I’m being too controlling over hair and shoes.
AITA?