Last June 2025 me and my partner of 5 years broke up. I am 15 years older than she is, which never seemed to bother her. I was married for 20 years prior to meeting her, but I have never felt for my ex wife what i felt for Anna. All i ever asked was never cheat on me, which i know she did! whether it was just messages or more i will never know.
The breakup killed me even though i wanted it aswell, because the trust had gone, and as much as i tried to get it back, i'm just not that person. The phycho in me just wanted to catch her, but i blew and left.
We kind of got back together in September 2025 for a few weeks, but she wouldn't come near me in a sexual way. When i asked why she came back, she just said she wanted to know if there was anything still there, and when i asked if there was. She just said no and blocked me on everything.
It literally broke me. She was always there, because we had mutual friends. Then one night after i saw her which shouldn't have happened i started the process of deleting her from my life, but in doing that posted a video of us having sex!!! I know only 2 people saw it but that was enough to have everyone messaging me. On my kids lives it was a total accident, i would never do that to her. I was a mess and didn't realise id done it.
That night i blocked absolutely everyone, got in my car, with a knife! Went and parked up waited till midnight when i knew my kids would be asleep and slit my wrists. I thought id parked somewhere no one would find me but my son had read his message and phoned the police. They found me and took me to hospital.
Iv been seeing mental health people, who have tried, i am still a mess and cut myself regularly. I absolutely hate her but love her so much, and cant seem to move on.
PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!