29F saw my ex 31M with someone new
I know logically I’m better off without my ex but seeing him with someone new this weekend still hit me harder than I expected.
We were together for a year and a half, and during that entire relationship he never told me he loved me. At one point he literally told me the thing he loved most in this world was his dead dog. I remember feeling so crushed because I kept wondering what was wrong with me that he couldn’t love me too.
We had conversations about engagement and the future, and he verbatim told me, “I don’t know if you’re the one,” and also said he didn’t really see me as the mother of his kids. Meanwhile I felt like I was constantly asking him to just be present in the relationship emotionally. I was always trying to pull more effort, more affection, more reassurance out of him, and eventually I got exhausted and fed up.
So why does it still sting so much seeing him move on after only two months?
Part of me knows I’m not grieving HIM specifically as much as I’m grieving the rejection, the feeling of not being chosen, and the fact that I spent so long trying to earn love from someone who kept me at arm’s length. I think seeing him with someone else triggered that wound all over again.
I guess I’m just struggling with how someone who made me feel so unwanted can still have this much emotional power over me. Has anyone else gone through this?