My boyfriend used to be so sweet, but there are times when his efforts weren’t enough for me. When he started courting me, I made it clear that I had very high standards and wanted to be with someone who could always provide for me. Back then, he was so consistent, always giving me gifts be it store bought or handmade, surprising me with handwritten letters, etc. But he’d only do them if I indirectly told him to or if I gave hints about wanting them. I kept telling him over and over again about how I wanted him to have some initiative, yet he has never once done anything for me by himself. It feels like if I don’t hint at something, he‘ll never even consider it. He’s a good guy, just lacks effort. But I got tired of telling him over and over again and hearing that he’ll change and do better, that’s when I started to lose trust in him. I thought that maybe one day he’ll change and treat me right since he’s really a good guy, I thought I finally found the one guy who was different. The one guy who wouldn’t cheat or have wandering eyes.
A month ago, we barely saw each other because we were both out of town, and we barely got to chat each other because we were constantly fighting. Only this May 1st did we start talking again PROPERLY.
On May 2nd, he went to my house and when I opened his phone to check something, I saw that he had Twitter/X downloaded which was weird since he's never used it since last year I told him I was uncomfortable with him watching porn. When I mentioned it to him, he told me, “oh that’s nothing, don’t open it.” But I did, and I saw he had an account dedicated to watching a bunch of girls and so much porn. Seeing them made my stomach drop because I never expected that from him because I thought he’d changed since last year. This lead to a fight the whole day, but we eventually fixed it.
I thought it was okay until two days later, I opened his TikTok and saw he had two alt accounts. I had been so suspicious ever since the Twitter/X incident, I just checked his likes and favourites, and once again, there were a bunch of videos of girls shaking their asses while half naked. Seeing those things made me sob because I really thought he was different. I even saw he had some videos liked and favourites on his MAIN account where he posts me constantly. His reason for it was, “he likes her style,” when the woman was barely clothed.
It made me so upset because 1) I literally have my own TikTok account where I constantly post and he barely even watches or checks them, same goes to all of my social media accounts, yet he made an effort to SEARCH for those kinds of videos. 2) For two years straight he has told me constantly he hates those kinds of girls, yet I find him actively looking for them. He has broken my trust so many times, but this really crossed my boundaries. I want to leave him so bad, but I can’t find the strength to because I feel like I’m nothing without him. And he keeps on crying about he doesn’t want me to leave, about how he’ll change, how he’ll be better. I don’t believe him, but a part of me wants to. But there’s also a part of me who just wants to leave him cause I know I’ll eventually get disappointed since he never keeps his promises. I have no idea what to do !!
TL;DR my trust from him was crumbling already and I found out he has 3 alt accounts where he watches sexual stuff about women and now he keeps telling me he’s changed and he’ll never do it again (the last time he watched those was literally 10 days ago.).