u/Last-Ad9593

Yes, I am aware drinking under 21 is quite the misdemeanor, I personally don’t drink myself but he grew up around it, especially since our community and cultural identity is tied to drinking ourselves till we pass out. I was with his family and a joke was made towards him by his cousin about him walking home since I drove him (he lives in a different town 40 minutes away from me) because he didn’t want to do something for me. He blew up and dropped whatever it was he was holding in his hand, stomped out, and slammed his uncle’s door to the point there was a hole from the smashed in doorknob. I followed him to apologize and tell him I didn’t really want him to walk home. I understand that what I did was wrong and I shouldn’t have agreed to a joke like that joking or not. I apologized, I begged, I told him I was worried for him walking home in the dark at 12 AM and that I want to take him home and all he had to do was bare a few minutes with me in the car. He just kept cutting me off and cussed and yelled at me. Three attempts later he shoved me and said that he was gonna walk home and I kept saying no. Every time I said no he would shove me. I didn’t fall but I just kept stumbling back. I would’ve fell if I didn’t get a good grip on the floor. I started crying and he softened the pushes for a bit but after I told him it wasn’t safe for him to walk home he got even angrier and told me to get back to my fucking car. His mom picked him up and brought him back to apologize and he was being to be all sweet and wrapped his arms around me but I couldn’t do it and tried taking it off. He wanted to talk about it and apologize. When I was driving back home all I could think about was breaking up with him because my mother was in an abusive relationship and I knew if I ran to tell her about this she would’ve never let him around me again. I went to my friend’s house for comfort and he just kept texting me how sorry he was and how much he was crying and that he always hurts the people he loves. He even texted my friend all that and that he “would never actually hit me” and it felt so incomprehensible of how I really felt. A few days later he wrote me a letter and brought me flowers and promised he would stop drinking. I’ve been carrying this man on my back even in the past. I always pay for our dates, bought him a gaming pc, bought his setup, doordashed him food every time he was hungry, bought him clothes, paid for his games, etc. But I have so many friendships and relationships to loose if I leave him but I am just so scared of him now. I can’t go back to loving him the same way I did that I would do anything for him. He promised he would never hit me and I know it was just a push but to me it felt more than that. At the same time I just can’t get myself to leave him because I’ve invested so much of my time and energy into this relationship.