Food addiction or BED?
So currently I’ve been doing a (healthy) deficit during the week and on Saturday or Sunday I’ll have one planned cheat day (/binge day) where I can eat as much as I want (like 5000-10000 kcals maybe). Initially, my goal was to get rid of the last few pounds that put me in the overweight category. I was able to stay in a deficit without weekly binges for like 3 months but then it got harder and harder because of stressful (dopamine depriving) situations in my life and I started to binge from time to time.
I’ve been a chronic overeater/food addict and also chubby pretty much since I was born. Food has always been my dopamine source number one so overindulging in food is nothing new to me. I also suffer from (diagnosed) ADHD which definitely contributes to this one way or another.
The last two months have been rough, I had binge episodes that lasted for weeks and then I discovered that planned cheat days help me to not fall back into binging every day and keep it under control. As long as I continue with those weekly binges I will probably hit a weight plateau but as long as I’m not gaining I’m fine with it for now.
Somehow I enjoy those binge days, even if I eat until I feel nauseous. I’m looking forward to them every day during the week. It feels like a countdown for something, like a birthday party that I’ve been planning and anticipating. Sounds stupid but food is almost like a hobby to me. I don’t really feel guilty during/after overeating. I don’t feel like I’m rewarding myself with food. I just do it because I love it. I’m just scared that I’ll never reach a normal weight in general.
So far I haven’t gained any fat back, even after binging for a whole month straight. Only the typical water weight that lasts for like 3 days. My body handles the binges quite well, I barely suffer from any symptoms besides that short period of nausea, that typical stuffed feeling and dehydration... No pain or anything. I don’t feel bad about the binges, I’d only feel bad if the number on the scale went up again because that would mean no more overeating.
I feel like this is not a typical presentation of BED, if it’s even BED at all? I also feel like it’s not really emotional eating because I also binge/overeat when I’m happy. Am I the only one that is like this?