u/Larkson9999

Himself.

The genie informs the unkempt man he has two wishes and while it wasn't the standard three, he could wish for anything without restriction.

The beach bum pauses to think and says "I want a bottle of high quality vodka that never runs empty!" And so the genie poofs a bottle into his hand and the man immediately takes a huge gulp and watches in amazement as it refills to the top.

He takes another swing and says "Oh man, that's so good. I wish I had another!"

So my girlfriend doesn't want me playing video games with her kid anymore.