I’ve been with my boyfriend on and off for two years. It turned out to be the classic cycle. Love bombing, devaluation, discard. Rinse and repeat. Chasing that high of the perfect man he was at the start. Broken promises here, things not adding up there.. no friends. Continuously having me explain the bare minimum over and over? Why do I have to keep explaining to him that the silent treatment is punishment and it’s controlling. Don’t see that friend you’ll get punished mentality.
About the fifth or sixth ruined holiday/birthday/important day I really started to see that it had to be a choice. Then more frequent right before an important shift or right before a day off.. constantly explaining to him how his avoidance was hurting us. Trying to get him to do some work on himself so we could have a better relationship. He was training me. He was good. I was really confused. Using his money to buy my forgiveness, while simultaneously using his money to accuse me of using him. The finger was always pointed at me. I was always apologizing.
Yeah, here’s where I need advice. Things escalated when I could tell he was up to something tonight. He was about to manufacture a fight… He was 2 1/2 hours late at work. When describing the problem he threw in an lol. He has never been overtime at work and and thought anything was Lol , I knew he was up to something. He picked a fight with me right before dinner when I was planning on going over and spending the night with him. When I got to his house, he was on the phone with another woman on speaker asking me to give him a minute… he also left his cell phone face up on the coffee table with text messages to another woman opened… This man has never left his phone open in two years and now you’re gonna go to another room with text messages from another woman on the screen. Bonus points for having her name the same nickname he calls me.
He went to the other room and I picked up his phone that he laid out for me to find on purpose, i started scrolling through the messages. It went back far I looked. There were many threads. I booked it. I have never fast walked so fast in my life. I got in my car and started driving no seatbelt no nothing just driving. I got about two blocks away, pulled into a parking lot and turned the car off. I took pictures and videos of the thread’s. I haven’t read them because I don’t care. He’s a liar and the details don’t matter. Took him 5/6 minutes notice the phone was gone. I mean… What phone?
Things happened and he barged into my house. The police are involved now, nothing formal but they said stay away and don’t talk to each other. This doesn’t mean the other women right? Since I have pictures of threads, I have the phone numbers. I should be letting them know, right? Save them that heartache that I’ve been through. The manipulation, the coercion, the gaslighting…. How would you respond if you got a message that informed you that someone you were talking to/seeing had a partner but they asked that you not inform the cheater of the message… what would you consider proof? What elements would need to be present for you to believe the anonymous texter over the person?
Oh yeah I told the main girl that he had had a girlfriend. A girlfriend who found out she was pregnant on Friday… That was from his phone though. I don’t even think I needed to see more. I let it lock and I was out. My heart has never raced so fast as when I bolted from his house with that phone in my hand. I do want to note that I am no longer pregnant. I miscarried two days after finding out I was pregnant. He held me while I wept in the ER. He also made sexually suggestive jokes about sleeping together… while I was miscarrying. It was disgusting.
This is so long have you made it this far thanks for reading.
Also: I made sure he got his phone back. After all, I wouldn’t be an abusers target if I wasn’t kind underneath all the crazy he concocted.