u/LargeBag6565

Im sitting here celebrating my homies bday with him and all of our friends at the skatepark, and usually I can stay in a good mood despite what I have going on but rn I feel like shit because I know I'll be sleeping outside tonight and its cold af in Michigan atm. I won't tell anyone and I won't ask for help because I'd hate to feel needy or like a burden so im thugging it out. My mom would be heart broken if I told her so im keeping it to myself until I get a place.

I moved from Alabama back to michgan a week ago because im on a spiritual journey/getting closer to god and had some good job opportunities present themselves so I can also be set financially.

Although I walk around smiling everyday, remaining optimistic, and trying to plant seeds in all my homies because im learning how great God is and im finally finding my purpose but I just needed to vent about this one time. Usually I just read the bible and write in my journal but I guess I want to be heard for a moment which is normal. I had a place to stay once I got here with my aunt but she had to leave for an emergency before I got here because he sister is dying from cancer and she didn't leave me a key...I honestly think she changed her mind about letting me stay with her because I haven't heard from her lately so im not going to bother her. And my homie/brother who's bday we're celebrating let me stay with him the past 6 days but he's going through his own internal battles and I guess our energy just doesn't mesh well because im so high on life and he's feeling like dog shit (no disrespect) so i left his place a few days ago and told him i found somewhere to stay. But yeah I've slept at the bus station one night, but they aren't always open so last night I sleep in a random truck as long as I could, but it got too cold so I had to skate around town to get my blood pumping to stay warm until 6am once the busses finally started running and I rode that most of the day until it qas time to go to a interview and a job orientation just to stay busy.

I know these hard times won't last for long but damn it really sucks, I cant wait to see where I'll be a year from now. I got two jobs right now that I start soon, one is 1st shift at a deli part time and another is 3rd shift at a factory paying $23 an hour so I'll be out this rough patch soon I hope. And thank God this third shift job will keep me out the cold and I'll just have to find somewhere to rest during the day. This is the first time im actually sad and feeling down about my situation and its weird, im used to being happy and smiling through it all because I know God gets me and i know this is just building character and making my testimony an even better story to tell in the future.

Thats all I wanted to say. I would've just wrote this in my journal but im sitting here with 20 people and dont want to be that guy lol.

I haven't played palworld since last summer but I want to get back into it, one issue i remember having is it lagged alot sometimes. Whats the best system or computer to play on, and if got a gaming pc should it haven't certain specs to run smoother?

So over the past month ive been on this spiritual journey and getting closer to god, I've been treating my temple with the utmost respect and care mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Usually I deal with adhd systems and very heavy depression to the point where I wake up dreading the day and wanting to die, and go to sleep thinking about dying and even praying for it because I used to dislike being here so much.

Im the complete opposite now and dont even recognize myself anymore, im so proud of myself because I pray multiple times a day, I carry around my bible and read it through the day and im just genuinely joyous and happy 24/7....I love my life now.

Porn and lustfulness use to be a huge issue for me, but I completely shook it and im NEVER lustful anymore, the thought doesn't even cross my mind and I dont even have a urge to masturbate. BUT over the past few nights in my dreams I have had sexual encounters with random woman 2 or 3 times and it worries me.

The feeling is actually very eroctic something like ive never felt before and I enjoy it and get into it but it only last for like 10 seconds, we're kissing and grinding but I never make it to the part where we actually have sex. I wake up right after and have the urge to masturbate but I dont do it because I know I don't need to and thats not me anymore.

But now today I almost went through with it after the dream so I had to read some other reddit forums about "adultery" and if its wrong or how to get around the sin part, but i toughed it out didnt do anything.

Anyone else ever go through this or feel like its normal?