How to break up with your girlfriend
Ive been loosing feelings for my girlfriend for the past month and its gotten to the point where i feel absolutely nothing when i kiss her. And part of it is my own fault, because about 8 months ago i cheated on her (talked to a girl id been with earlier on snapchat). And so she has daily trust issues to the point where all she says is that i dont care about her. And i try do correct everything and do everything right.
And the way she deals with any emotions is to take it out on me. Most nights are the same, she has some negative feeling, she turns silent, i can comfort her and try to talk to her and i wont get a single response in maybe 3 hours, she’ll just lay there. And if i for 1 second pull away she gets mad. And pushes me away.
Im very sure she has sort of bordeline personality disorder because our relationship is exactly like dr explains in how to date someone with bpd. I know she has a diagnosis but im not sure what. I just remember her telling me vaguely.
She is very unstable, and i always have to carry her emotions. Its not that i wont do that but its close to impossible to talk to her. Its like all she ever wants is for me to just tell her what she wants to hear, rather than understanding each other. And trying to find solutions.
Everything for her is betrayal. All she does is send me tiktoks about cheating and how men should behave. And i can understand that that might be a way for her to articulate her feelings better than she could say out loud. But it feels like no matter what i do, no matter how much time i spend taking care of her. She’s never greatful, and things are never enough.
Its safe to say that i loose feelings because the whole realtionship is just walking around being scared of saying the wrong thing or not having read her mind and then she’ll end up spam calling me in the middle of the night crying, and then when i pick up the phone she hangs up and texts me long text messages in all caps. Where i have to try to set some amount of boundaries, but at the same time just have to let go of my ego and give in to just validating everything she feels.
The other night she did just this and we always fall asleep in facetime, and after falling asleep she hung up and called me to wake me up and told me she had a really bad nightmare. And i woke up and cared for her and showed sympathy for her stress. But i just said a couple sentences and then i fell asleep because it was in the middle of the night.
And then she re called me again to wake me up, and when i picked up she hung up and texted me in all caps saying that im letting her down and tells me my behaviour is terrible and that she hopes i feel bad for it. And keep in mind in the middle of this im calling her 5-6-7 times to get her on the phone to calm her down without her picking up. And ofc i understand nightmares are bad, but still. Dont lash out at me for having a hard time keeping myself awake. Still the point isnt the nightmare or any of that. But that this is something that repeats at least 4 times a week.
And i cant break up. Because im scared that if i do, then i’ll
- feel guilt
- When things calm then i’ll realize i took her for granted.
- And idk why but i cant break up. Its like id rather fuck up and have her breakup with me than break up myself.
- This is just a piece of the story but idk what to do tbh
.
And i also understand that staying in the relationshipbecause of what im scared to feel if ending it is kind of selfish.
But idk what to do.
I cant even imagine how bad thing could get if i do break up. She doesnt want help either. And at some very extreme times ive debated on telling her mom about it and she freaks out about it.