I don’t even know where to start, I guess I have to pour out my thoughts somewhere because I don’t know what to do. before I start I know this was stupid and bound to fail from the start.
As the title says I am (F24) dating an older man (M36) that is from an open relationship, who I have met at work about a year ago now.
(What must be said right away is at the time I was in a miserable relationship in which my now ex boyfriend (M42) let his ex gf (F49) be always around us and never set any boundaries. it gets very bad to what extent but that’s another story for another time. quick add on is he in start of relationship woke me up to him being ready to go down on me while I was asleep and using the chance the second time after I broke up with him over month ago to do same thing while in my asleep state I thought this is my current bf)
i noticed him almost right away and had a silent crush on him for good 5-6 months before ever confessing (which I was planning on never doing) until I learned he is poly and even then without expectations of anything happening. I liked him as a person and genuinely wanted to just befriend him instead. During those first 6 months we would run into each other but never really talked properly but slowly after those months we started to chat more & more and we hit it off. We were on same page with almost everything , liked the same things , enjoyed same activities, same music & bands, had same love languages and it was just so easy to be around each other. Eventually I confessed to him thinking that worst that will happen is we will become friends with benefits but slowly it became more and more like dating and at some point that’s what we started to call it, dating.
In the start he was a true sweetheart, he isn’t big on texting and is very introverted but he took me out for dates he fully paid for, he made plans for us , made time to see me for even a little bit , would send paragraphs of how I make him feel or improved him in some way. He started to pick me up every morning so i wouldn’t have to go by public transport to work, Would come to me at work and chat there , told about me to his close friends and some of his coworker friends too , He was reassuring and kind and would notice immediately if I was off and would talk about it with me and fix it . He did everything and more than I could ever ask or hope for in a man. as someone who previously had an abusive relationship and one in which my emotional needs and feelings were ignored and dismissed this was like heaven. Even thought I was just the second girlfriend.
I am strictly mono but I thought I could do this . I love him so much and I’ve gotten so used to being the second or last option in every single relationship of mine to the point I thought I’d be fine with it . Then it happened. his rose coloured glasses wore off, little after our first intimacy experience.
no dates, no plans made (we see for hour a week at best now on free time ) , no paragraphs, answering messages by just reacting with emojis, I love yous turning into just love yous , he doesn’t come to me at work anymore, no surprises, he still comes to pick me up in mornings but …
i feel so lonely. while i wait in excitement for a single message, a single reply he can go all day without talking to me much at all. he says he loves me but I barely feel it . He still comforts me when I cry and kisses me but it’s not the same. When he comes over for the hour or two at best it’s always same we talk, we cuddle , we have intimacy, and he leaves back home.
i am exhausted, I love him but I know for a fact on his end it was all just love bombing or liking the idea of me or my love for him .