Don't know how much longer I can do this
I sometimes wonder if one day I were to just stop reaching out to you, and you never heard from me again, would you even notice.?
Then you'll reach out to me and ask if I have time for you. If I'll see you or make time for you. And I do every single time . No matter what I'm doing . Cause for me , those feelings are still very much there. For me you are the one. I thought I had loved before you , but nope I was wrong. You are the only one that even after almost 10 years, I still haven't gotten over you . And I know that I never will. So much that I don't even bother trying to entertain the idea of anyone else. Sure I've seen a few since you, but NONE of them sparked any kind of real feelings from me . The one I was with for a couple years, thru the pandemic.... I still remember the day you got out of jail dnd you called me begging me to come pick you up. At that time I was still very upset and mad angry that you had left me the way you did. And that was the only time I've ever told you no . You said you really didn't want to go back to her that you wanted me to come get you.. and I told you no.
I regret telling you no everyday since. I kinda blame myself for your addiction getting to the point it has . If I had done get you maybe things would be different . Maybe you would be clear in your mind and maybe you would care about yourself enough to at least go take care of getting your treatments done so this C wouldn't end up taking you out. Cause that's what gonna end up happening . You are not invisible to that. Maybe to everything else in the world but not to the big C.
I love you more than you will ever truly know .
That's why I want to ask u do you want me to stay away? Would that fix the problems you're having with her? And is that what you truly want ?
I want to see you happy . You deserve it . Even if that means I can't be in your life anymore .