A few weeks ago I came home from a casual date with my friend, who’s like a sister to me ( known each other for 9 years) and cried my eyes out. I didn’t understand why at the time, but I definitely get it now. Whenever we meet up, she’s usually the one who talks, and I’m the one who listens and helps sort things out. She has so much going on in her life, work drama, breakups, new flings, dates, family issues, and so on. She always has some kind of update that drops into the conversation like a bomb, and then that’s it, the whole meetup ends up being all about her life.
I realized that it's been a while that meeting and talking with her makes me feel like I don’t have a life of my own, she makes me feel like I’m a supporting side character in this friendship. And the truth is, I don’t really have those mind-blowing updates about my life to the same extent as she does. I have a very stable work-life balance, no interest in romantic relationships, and unusual hobbies that no one else gets as excited about as I do. I realized my answers are usually the same when asked, “How have you been?” or “Any news?”...
A year ago, I got so fed up with hearing about the same mistakes she keeps making and then complaining to me about them that I opened up and told her I didn’t want to hear about it anymore... It's something only she can find a way to handle.
Now whenever she wants to complain about the same kind of thing, she says, “I know you’re going to be mad at me, but…” or “I didn’t tell you this earlier because you’d go crazy, but…” I feel so played, like my openness back then is now being used against me to make me out to be a bad friend who gets mad, who makes the other to shut up and don't talk. It also makes me realise opening up doesn't always solve things.
Human relationships... just as they give us trust and friendship... shouldn’t they also bring us joy? Shouldn’t we rejoice together?
I really don’t know what to do now. I can’t be the one who talks a lot because I don’t have much to say, and I keep telling myself I should learn to stop being the listener, but when I don’t listen, I become some kind of “lesser friend.” The friend who said, “I’ll be there for you when you need me,” but then says, “I don’t want to hear about it.”
How do I proceed? Maybe I should get away for a while but I know it's not a solution.