Do I cut ties?
About 5 years ago my Aunt who lives a distance away from us had an accident and was temporarily unable to care for her mother, my grandmother who is in her ninties. We were at the tail end of COVID. None of her siblings were in a position to step in so we obliged and she came to live with us. My husband was okay with her staying in the short to medium term until my Aunt was back on her feet. My 5yo daughter was delighted to have her great grandmother in the house and my parents who lived nearby agreed they would help on the days that I was at work (part-time 2-days per week). During the first year my Aunt attended physiotherapy and word arrived via my mother that she was now (since divesting herself of my grandmother) looking after her grandson - picking him up from school and dropping him to football practice etc. That winter my Aunt took my grandmother for a week over the Christmas holidays so that they had Christmas day together and she took her 8-weeks during the summer holidays when school was out for her grandson. We operated an open door policy with visitors for my grandmother but we did ask relatives to give us some notice. We entertained them all - the sibling who always arrived at dinner time or close to it so our dinner was delayed (we did offer them dinner!!); the sibling who would randomly drop by (even on days I was at work), the sibling who grumbled every time they had to engage, and the one who would take over the house. It was at times torture but we put up with it.
Second year my Aunt asked my grandmother for Christmas again however this time my grandmother was refusing to go. This coincided with a general refusal by her to go anywhere - day trips were becoming problematic and she just wasn’t able for them. She was happiest at home so I told my Aunt ‘no’ she was staying put and spending Christmas with us. My Aunt was unhappy and after that refused to visit. In the interim my Mum who looked after my grandmother while I was at work became extremely unhappy - she felt tied and there was no sign of my Aunt taking her back as she was now full time looking after her grandson. My Aunt for her part, was now fit but wasn’t offering to take my grandmother back full time nor would she allow her to be placed in a nursing home. Summer rolled around and my grandmother was due to holiday with my Aunt’s again. My mother dropped the bomb that she would no longer look after her while I was at work. This meant we couldn’t continue to look after her. My daughter was upset; I was upset but I was also shattered; so I packed my grandmothers belongings and dropped my Grandmother to my Aunt’s house. I said nothing to my Aunt about whether I would be taking my grandmother back because I was hoping my mother would change her mind. TBF my grandmother was getting harder to look after - she was less mobile, the effects of senile dementia were markedly obvious but that said my grandmother was happy and she was very healthy.
Long story short, my mother didn’t change her mind, my grandmother didn’t return to stay with us, but instead stayed with my Aunt who shuttled her around in the car to her grandson’s pickups and drop offs. My Aunt refuses to talk to me as she blames me for not taking her back; her son and daughter feel similarly. My mother has never admitted to being the source of the refusal. My Aunt sends us Christmas and birthday cards (and they send my daughter token money presents; we do the same sending cards and token gifts of money to her grandson). They didn’t attend my last big birthday celebration in protest. My daughter has her communion this weekend and we’ve invited them to the restaurant to celebrate but they’ve again all refused. So would I be a terrible person if I was to draw a line under the relationship and ask them not to bother exchanging cards etc? If I’m being honest while I didn’t care about my birthday I do care that they are refusing to partake of a celebration that is about my daughter.….What do I do