My girlfriend (22F) and I (21M) have been together almost 2 years. I’m in the military and currently stationed overseas, and lately I’ve been trying to figure out how to handle some changes in the relationship.
She’s been through a lot this past year—she lost her mom while I was in basic training. I know I haven’t always been there physically because of that, and I think it’s affected her emotionally. I try to support her, but I’m not always sure I’m doing it in the best way.
Recently she’s been really hard on herself about her appearance and compares herself to others a lot. I genuinely think she’s a very beautiful girl, but when I reassure her it doesn’t seem to stick, and I don’t know how to help without just repeating myself.
She’s also applying for an appearance-based job, and said if she doesn’t get it, it would mean something negative about how she looks. That kind of thinking worries me, and I’m not sure how to respond in a supportive but healthy way.
At the same time, we’ve had some tension around boundaries. She’s okay pursuing that type of job, but has said she’d be very upset if I went somewhere like that because she thinks I’d be looking at other women. I understand where she’s coming from, but I’m not sure how to handle that fairly.
Since I’ve been overseas, I’ve also started to feel some trust issues from her side, even though we didn’t really have that problem before. I’m not sure if I’m handling that the right way either.
I know I’m not perfect in this and I want to improve as a boyfriend. I care about her a lot and want to support her, but I’m trying to figure out how to balance that with setting healthy boundaries and handling the trust concerns, especially long distance.
How would you approach this in a healthy way?