I am only 6 weeks pregnant and I just feel like an absolute mess. This is long, I just feel so broken down and needed to vent.
For context: I am a full time nursing student and work part time. I have finals in two weeks, one class I am BARELY passing. I recently quit vaping. I have husband who is amazing to me 75% of the time. Lately I have felt like we are a team, but today that changed.
Today my mom told her coworkers I was pregnant and I have asked her multiple times to not tell anyone. She did this with my first, my miscarriage and now this pregnancy. I guess I'm just naive though for thinking she wouldn't do it again. I plan to address that with her tomorrow.
Now comes to when I get home from a family trip. (Husband drove separate and was about an hour behind) We park and my son and i go to water flowers, and the hose isn't working so I unravel it and long story short I can't get it fixed so I just wind it up by hand and shove it in the garage. As I'm walking over to water my plants with a can, I started getting mad because my husband just doesnt seem to take any pride in the appearance of our house/yard. He killed so many spots in the grass by leaving massive logs/TREES/board, you name it. I dragged an 8ft+ tree that fell last year out of the yard and onto the driveway. Sure thing the grass is dead. The lawn is just long and ugly and I spent so much time last year and already this year trying to make the yard look nice.
Fast forward to many other things I was picking up outside that I have asked him to do it and I just went into the garage and sobbed. My son said "be happy mom" and I feel like such an awful mom for crying/breaking down in front of him like that. He pooped so I brought him in the house to change him. This is my first time walking into the house since we got home. It was a disaster, so I sobbed even more. I left friday, husband and son left Saturday. From just ONE night my husband destroyed the house and all of the work I had done.
My son kept saying "be happy mom" in the sweetest voice and asked i wanted a blankey. When I finished crying he asked "are you happy now mom?" And I said yes and asked for a kiss.
I don't know if its hormones, stress, or what it is but I have never broken down like that in front of my son. I feel like im drowning and apparently I can't even call my mom to cry because I can't trust she won't tell my entire family.