Going down a line of thought regarding lesbians that I don't like, how do I fix it?
I hope this doesn't break the rules, because I don't want to be lesbophobic, I've just noticed my brain going down a specific line of thought and it makes me feel terrible and I'm not sure where I should go to like-- fix this line of thought.
At the end of the day, it's likely just insecurity stuff and I probably do just need to work on myself and get over this, maybe someone here can knock some sense into me. I don't know. This whole thing feels stupid but I don't know how to make it stop. Please be gentle.
I have a small group of queer friends online, mostly queer women/feminine people. I don't really mind, but they talk about wlw relationships a *lot*. Me and one of the other guys in the group could be discussing a mlm relationship in media or whatever, and somehow they talk over it and bring up wlw stuff.
They kind of make me feel like shit about my identity as a man-leaning non-binary person (basically, I love being perceived as a man in almost all aspects of my life, but I'm not 100% binary). I have a wife, and we consider out relationship to be straight, but we're both bisexual. I find a lot of meaning and pride in my identity as a queer man. I grew up in an oppressive religious environment (Mormon) and so being free of that and being openly queer is really important to me, but my sapphic friends kind of disregard that and just treat me as a straight white man and nothing more, and I feel like my journey as a queer person gets overlooked. It's great they see me as a man, but it feels more condescending than anything, if that makes sense?
And lately my wife has been talking a lot about lesbianism and yuri and all that. I don't want her to repress her attraction to women for my sake, but admittedly, it does trigger me to an extent. I've been wanting to kinda talk about these thoughts with her but like- what is she going to do? I don't want her to feel like she has to change her behavior because of my dumb insecurities.
And then looking at lesbian spaces lately (secondhand, it pops up on my feed on various social medias, I'm not actively looking or inserting myself in them), it seems like there's just a lot of hate towards trans men, and naturally, it makes me feel uneasy.
I don't like feeling this way. I don't want to feel uneasy around my sapphic friends.
Are there positive sapphic places for me to look into and just read to get a little boost of positivity from time to time? Anything to keep me from going further down this rabbit hole?