I’m (22F) feeling unseen by my boyfriend (24M)
I (22F) have been feeling emotionally drained in my relationship with my boyfriend (24M), and I’d really like advice on how to handle it in a healthy way.
Since the beginning of the relationship, I’ve felt like I’ve had to make a lot of sacrifices with my time and energy. We see each other around twice a week, and sometimes after work I honestly just want to rest and be alone. Sometimes I wish I could have an entire Sunday to myself. But I struggle to say that because I know it would hurt his feelings.
He has a more anxious attachment style, while I lean avoidant. When he’s sad, overwhelmed, or overthinking, he usually wants closeness and emotional reassurance, and I try really hard to give him support. He says I’m emotionally mature because I help calm him down or give advice that works for me personally.
The problem is that when I’m stressed or exhausted, I need space instead of closeness. He notices when I’m tired and even acknowledges it sometimes like “sorry it was inconsiderate on my part”, but he stills goes ahead and wants to spend the time together. I end up feeling like my emotional needs are understood by him, but not really cared for. Basically ignored.
I’ve started feeling frustrated and lonely emotionally in the relationship. I’m usually the one giving reassurance, advice, or emotional support, but I don’t really feel supported in the same way, because he’s not good at it. Sometimes I feel like I still carry my burdens alone because talking about them doesn’t actually make me feel lighter or cared for. I feel like I cannot lean on him to make me feel safe.
At the same time, I know he probably feels like he’s asking for normal relationship closeness and wishes I could meet him there more naturally. So it just feels like we keep missing each other emotionally.
How do you handle a relationship where one person needs closeness for comfort and the other needs space? And how do you communicate those needs without making the other person feel unloved?