u/Ladytriiip

Sorry this is very long so please bear with me. Also I’m voice typing this so excuse the lack of punctuation.
I 26 female have been with my fiancé 28 male for 6 1/2 years now. We share two kids together ages two and three as well as my eight year-old who was two when we got together who he is a full-time dad to as his dad is in prison and was not active even before prison. I know it might sound crazy as I already had a child before me and him got together, but I already had the stipulation of not being with a man who had children with another woman as I have when I was younger, and it always was full of infidelity with baby mamas. I’ve had men bring baby mamas in my house while I’m at work, hook up during pick up and drop offs of the child, inappropriate conversations, continuous flirting, and just blatant disrespect.
So before I even met him, I knew I wanted to be with a man who didn’t have a baby mama as my baby daddy is a non-factor and is not involved so there would be no baby daddy drama on my end. Yesterday he told me that that an ex-girlfriend of his reached out saying she thinks her seven-year-old son is my fiancé’s. It was before we were together and ever met but now 6 1/2 years later I feel like this is something I am not willing to deal with. I feel like this mainly comes from his infidelity issues in the past in our relationship, so I feel like I would not be secure enough to deal with him having constant contact with another woman who he was involved with.
I understand it can sound hypocritical as he does take full care of my eight-year-old as if he was his own but I feel as if this is something he signed up for from the beginning as it is not on my end. I was very clear in the beginning of our relationship that I would not pursue something with a man who had a baby mama. We have gotten past his previous infidelity (online conversations/ not physical contact cheating), however, without sounding insecure I feel like this would cause all that to start back up. I feel guilty as this is not his fault and not something he wanted to happen as well. We are now at the best that we have been in our relationship since having our young children as postpartum and other factors caused us to forget that we are on the same team. We are truly very happy now.
I would also like to say that the child is not something that I particularly have an issue with it is the baby mama aspect of it. Had it been a situation where she was unable to take care of the kid and it came out that he was the dad and now we had to take full custody of the child that is something that I could accept. We are each other‘s best friend. I wholeheartedly do not imagine me spending the rest of my life with anybody besides my fiancé he is everything to me. I feel terrible thinking that he would be punished by losing his family for something that isn’t really his fault and that he was unaware of.
I hate the idea of him possibly resenting this child if it is his over, losing his family because of the situation. I hate the idea of taking my kids out of a loving two parent household. I hate the idea of losing everything we have built together all because his ex didn’t know who her baby daddy was and brought it up seven years later. I do wholeheartedly believe that this baby deserve to know who his dad is and my fiancé is an incredible father so it’s only right that he is to be a great father to all of his kids. And at home legit paternity test was ordered. It will be here on May 6 and once sent in it takes about 2 to 3 days to come back. So technically everything right now is hypothetical and just possible situations but it’s all I can think . My chest hurts, just imagining another woman having access to my fiancé the way that I do or even feeling comfortable to constantly contact my fiancé even over a child.
This is something that if I choose to stay if it is his that I know, I will be miserable with every single day and in constant fear of misconduct between them. I feel like after seven years the only reason she is reaching out is because me and my fiancé portray a very happy and healthy family life on social media and she could possibly want that for herself as well. I mean she’s been not knowing who her baby daddy is for all these years. Why find out now. So am I the asshole for not being willing to be miserable in order to not punish him?