u/LOONAbirth

Today my friend exchanged items with my ex girlfriend at my apartment. I gave all the gifts and notes she gave me. Didn’t want any reminders. He said she didn’t look that put together, said "he doesn’t wasn’t to see me?" and was tearing up. She apparently was just saying sorry for a bit and then he got my stuff back. I got the gift I gave to her on our anniversary.

Maybe there will be a part of me that regrets not seeing her for the last time. I can’t even remember how she sounds now. When I was putting her stuff in a bag I saw photos of us together, I guess those will be the last images I have in my mind. Some videos and screenshots of her I’ve had to permanently delete after listening and seeing one last time, but it’s not her now. It all feels pretty empty. All the time spent and it ends on some tears and a sorry. Don’t even get to hear her or see her.

I wish it didn’t have to be this way. Maybe I’m a bit happy she was crying. I thought she would be stoic or put a mask on after she confessed to me 2 weeks ago. Guess not. Guess I meant something? Not sure.

I feel unsatisfied that all of our relationship ends like this. It’s just over.

My (23F) girlfriend admitted to cheating on me (24M). We were long distance for a year and she went out with friends and wanted validation. She mulled it over the weekend and then called me Monday morning to admit it, in tears.

I am beyond conflicted. I have an insane amount of disgust and anger as I felt I did so much to love her, struggled with OCD related triggers to feel confident in the relationship and ultimately tried to listen. I am a human and do bad things too certainly, but cheating never crosses my mind.

Of course in our arguments that I drag out to avoid the reality, she starts saying things that blame me, like our recent arguments that made her feel insecure (I do own this, but believe we could have argue in a relationship…), lack of miscommunications upset her, she apparently cried at night everyday, she was afraid of conflict, she was going to break up with me, everything under the sun. I feel minimized and I can see some things in her statements, but does it even matter now that they’re out of context in the relationship? Was it hard to just say that or be brave and break up?

I am supposed to get stuff from her this Saturday but I feel highly uncomfortable. I am afraid of seeing someone and being unable to reconcile their actions with the love I gave to someone for a year. In the meanwhile I am losing sleep, focus at work, appetite, but also trying to keep busy and be with people and not dwell (as much as my mind and mental illness allows me to).

any help is appreciated, life feels so unreal and like a nightmare