u/LOOLcom

I’m pretty sure this has been answered before but couldn’t find it. But anyone went through changing from stem opt to h1b visa this current year? Was the 100k applied to your situation?

I honestly don’t know what I am doing wrong. My first therapist literally didn’t know what to do with me, didn’t feel like I went in deep enough and I was at a point where I didn’t know much about trauma or really how to talk about my problems, it reached a point of like I am here idk what to talk about until she said how about we cancel our sessions and then when you need to schedule one you let me know.

I then had a couples therapist, she was my now ex’s therapist at the time. I felt like I was a mystery that needed to be figured out and fixed and I didn’t feel understood at all. Even though my ex had probably more traumatic childhood than me.

I then had another therapist after the breakup. She didn’t seem to understand either and felt like she minimized everything. She was very kind and warm and listened. I was just explaining to her my whole culture instead of processing the breakup. When I told her about my relationship she just basically said well it was your first relationship and most first relationships fail and there was cracks in your relationship’s foundation so it failed. I told her about how I was mistreated badly in middle school by my gf at the time and she said “well you were kids middle schoolers tend to do that”

To then my now therapist. I feel like I went a lot deeper with them, but I have so many issues. They understands my cultural and identity contexts because they experience the same. Which made me feel so seen and understood. I processed all my relationship with my ex and I feel like I was validated. I still feel like she doesn’t get curious and asks me questions like barely. Just responds with personal experience to show a point and sometimes would respond with actual helpful stuff. I feel like they talk a lot more than they should and as a person who struggles with this kind of people, it makes me feel unseen. I’m the kind of person who needs someone steady and listens very well. But my therapist is the kind of person who if they see me not saying much immediately they just talk. I feel like I got deep in some areas and then I talked to them about cptsd and what I learned and basically just telling them this is what is wrong with me and here’s why and this is how it shows up with concepts I learned. And the whole time they are yup that’s exactly it. I feel like some sessions are helpful, but a lot of the times I bring something up and get no curiosity and it becomes like a little chitchat instead. I do feel like I am getting very stuck in life and in my issues and can talk about the same things again which might be why I am struggling in therapy. But I genuinely don’t know what to talk about and I don’t know if I made any progress. But at the same time, I sometimes bring something up and get absolutely no curiosity to get deeper and it just becomes like a conversation with a random person.

I genuinely don’t know if I’m doing therapy wrong or I’m choosing the wrong therapists, or I’m just getting stuck for now, or if I got overwhelmed with trauma talks and backed off internally, or if I’m just not open enough. I genuinely don’t know and I just want to heal but this is so hard I’m tired of trying to heal. And then whenever I try to help myself and my mental health and then it fails, this feeling gets bigger: the feeling of I don’t think anyone understands me or can help me and that I am beyond repair and broken to the point that therapists don’t know what to do with me.