Feel lost and don’t know what to do
I’m 30, been married for 5 years and I feel so lost. My wife has had so much to deal with in life, incredible trials, difficulties, and childhood trauma. Her mother passed away a few months into our marriage and I can’t begin to imagine how difficult that must be. The sense of loss, displacement and sorrow is something for which I try my best to empathize and also understand I can’t ever truly comprehend how it feels.
Yet after 5 years of providing support, love, and always stepping up, I feel so drained. Her adhd and anxiety continuously paralyze her. She has a therapist and psychiatrist yet the lens through which she views life always creates explanations and excuses for the difficulties she faces, without the commitment to struggle or find solutions. She is barely focused at work, doesn’t help out with chores around the house, has no innate passions or interests she pursues and is overly reliant on weed.
Any hardship can potentially spiral into a full blown mental health crisis and I don’t know if I have it in me to keep up. I don’t remember a time where we weren’t dealing with a crises surrounding her mental health. I’m drained in this relationship and unable to focus on my life and happiness, yet the thought of leaving her scares me so much cause I do love her and am scared she will completely capitulate. Feeling lost without any options, I have resorted to affairs and have become a version of myself I find disgusting and repulsive.
TLDR: in an overly co-dependent, unrewarding relationship yet the thought of leaving her feels impossible because her mental health will spiral to the point of her being unable to function or even possibly inflicting self-harm.