I 37M am at a point where I feel like giving up on my partner. The problem is, our son is about to turn 1 y/o, and I am now defaulting to “I’ll stay for him”.
She doesn’t seem to care to fix what we have. I have tried to do couples therapy, only for her to decide we don’t need it because “she’s the problem.” She was completely unwilling to consider any suggestion our therapist made. I have tried to talk about my feelings for her, only to have her flip the script and say I’m only doing it to make her feel bad. I find myself fantasizing about feeling desired by other women and being tempted to go out and search just to feel appreciated. I won’t do such a thing because I wouldn’t want it to happen to me, to be clear. Recently, I’ve started to really dislike her and don’t even feel the excitement I once did not long ago. I know I deserve better, and I know I am willing to do anything to fix our relationship, except deal with being treated like I am. I am worried that me sticking around and slowly dying inside and losing my spark affects my son more than anything. I understand he’s observant, and I wouldn’t want him to imitate who I see myself becoming. I don’t want him to, at some point, pick up on my dislike of his mother and possibly tarnish that relationship, because she is an amazing mother. I also don’t want a broken family; that’s why I am having a kid later in life. A part of me thinks that, because she knows how much he means to me, she has relaxed and that her true colors are now coming out. She doesn’t like me; she just likes the security I provide.
Edit: I understand the option of leaving, but the time with my son is what I am most scared of. I don't care about the money; I am capable of making more. I guess I hoped to find someone who navigated similar issues successfully without leaving.
Edit 2: The problems that I'd like fixed are simply being treated like a husband, the biggest being desired once in a while, like once a month, or some sort of intimacy, not just chore sex.