u/Kurooniii

23:00 pm im on the floor in mine and my older brother room been like this for hours now just watching yt and trying to play some games but i coulnt to play them for much time i cant bring myself to do annithying anymore honestly which i am not forced to do to survive idk what;s going on with myself at all i feel lonely but i find myself doing less and less of annithying rather than to do more to keep myself busy to not feel lonely nothing interests me anymore no games no animes no walks no talking with people online nothing i cant to see the point of annithying for the life in me when i see how i became as a person when i see whats going on in this world i cant see no point in annithying it doesnt helps that i lost my best friend my father two months ago exactly yesterday been two months already without him cant belive that so much time already passed without him it feels to much for me even tho i know that it isnt much cant stop shaking the feel of guilt either that eats me from inside a lot too doesnt helps that i am stuck inside every day with some type of people that i dont like very much but cant to escape of them without becoming homeles sadly so i am forced to take it if i dont want to become homeles idk what im even typing here if all this makes any sense but is whatever most likely i wont use this acc or this app much longer anyway so doesnt matter anymore if it makes sense or not for who will see this im just venting again for the 3k time just to try to make myself to feel even a tiny bit better until the day comes when ill be able to leave this world forever in one way or another since im very tired of it i dont belong in this world i dont belong in this fuckt up family i feel like im stuck inside a prison that i cant escape no matter what i try my heart feels heavy my mind keeps hurting me sometimes i wish i had a water gun to play with it until i cant play with it any longer forever since the other ways of playing are painful and i cant stand pshicall pain the water gun would be the best method to play safe forever but sadly i dont have one so i need to find another way to play forever time passes and sooner or latter the time will come for me like it came for my father and i will be free until then i can to only wish to be able to make it happen as soon as posibile and until then i need to endure the loneliness