AITA for wanting to dye my hair?
For my 16th birthday on April 19, the only thing I wanted was to bleach and dye my hair red. When I was 10, my mom promised me she’d let me dye my hair for my sweet 16.
On April 6 around 9 PM, she called a hairdresser to book appointments for both of us. After seeing my reference picture, the stylist said bleach would be needed to get the color I wanted. My mom immediately said no and cancelled the appointment.
I was really upset because I’d been looking forward to this for years. I asked her what the issue actually was, and she said bleach would damage my hair. I told her I understood that, but I still wanted to try it once because I’m 16 and wanted to experiment with my appearance a little. I explained that I’m usually very obedient. I do well in school, do every single chore they assign, never go out because one of their expectations for me as an AFAB was to never leave the house without hijab and a man, and generally follow all their rules. This was one of the only things I’d really asked for myself. One thing just to be me.
That upset my mom. She started listing everything she’s done for me like feeding me, clothing me, and raising me. I replied that those are things parents are supposed to do. She accused me of having double standards, and I tried explaining that I just meant teenagers naturally want to figure out their interests and identity.
She then said I always start fights whenever she tells me no. I responded that they only seem to say yes when something benefits the family or household, while things involving my independence like going on walks, seeing friends, or expressing myself are usually denied. I brought up how she pushed me for years to take henna classes even though I wasn’t interested at first.
She said I was acting like she only cared about money. I replied that she had previously told me she planned to take 50% of my paycheck once I got a job.
At that point my dad came in and sided with her. Both of them called me ungrateful, and my mom called me mentally deranged. My dad said taking half my paycheck was the least I owed my mother.
I told them their reaction was extreme considering this all started because I wanted to dye my hair. My dad compared dyeing my hair to doing hard drugs. When I pointed out how ridiculous that comparison was, they said I was just a kid and too immature to make decisions like this. Then they started insulting my appearance, saying dyed hair would make me look fat, ugly, and like a clown, and they weren’t going to pay for me to “ruin my femininity.” When I offered to pay for it myself with Eid money they had recently given me, they demanded I give the money back.
I got angry, threw the bill toward my mom, and went to my room. My parents then spent about two hours yelling through my door and threatening to call the police over my “abusive behavior.” Then it went to "You have to be 16!" (by the way said on my 16th bday) and now its " you can only dye it when you lose 50 kgs.
AITA for this?