Something happened last night that I never thought would happen from weed.
After two years of quitting weed due to having a huge anxiety attack, I started again, and it’s been about a year of me smoking again, I recently have been able to get REALLY high and be fine, no anxiety no nothing.
But last night:.. worst night of my life. I packed a bowl with hash and it was alright at the start like usual.. and then suddenly my mind just switched, I started thinking horrible things. Like at first just how dirty the side of the walls are and how icky it looked and then I started thinking horrible things about myself and the people around me. Not like… dangerous things just everything felt so gross to me and it made me realize how terrible everything in my life is.
I have OCD right? Ok. Now that you know that.
Suddenly my brain started telling me I have to kill myself, like if I don’t kill myself right now then everything’s going to be wrong, I can’t finish this high alive I HAVE to be dead. And my brain wouldn’t shut up about it. I had to wake my mom up and I started freaking out and screaming I felt like I needed to be strapped down for me not to kill myself.
My brain WOULDNT stop and I couldn’t handle it it was terrifying.
She ended up having to give me half a Xanax to calm me down and thankfully it did.
But holy shit yall.. I really thought that was how I was going to go out, the day that I died.
Thankfully I’m okay but I’m still shaken up by the whole ordeal.
My brain scared me, really bad. I’m never smoking weed again.
Or maybe until the moment feels right and that could be a long time.
I just wanted to vent about this.