MIL of 10 years is absolutely delusional and I’m done pretending and playing nice to spare her feelings so she doesn’t have another crying episode.
First things first she was the shittiest of mothers to my SO, neglect, high all the time, saying awful things to him to hurt his feelings then showing up at 2 am crying at the end of his bed to say it was her other personality “cybal” (after watching a movie about it) while he was growing up. MIL Left the area before he even graduated HS to go live with my BIL/GC in another state because she wanted to see her grandkids. Where she promptly got asked to leave bc she got high and peed on their couch all the time. He literally had to live with his best friend to avoid being homeless but hey he was 18 so it was fine. Imagine the irony of her telling us 5 yrs ago she would kill herself if we moved bc we don’t like the area we live in and want to move to another state. The list goes on I’m mentioning this because I think if she had been a better mother I might have more patience/tolerance for the scenario.
It all started the first time I went to her apartment and saw 20 pics of my BIL/GC at different stages of his life and zero of my SO. I asked where his pics were and she will not let it go. This was 8 years ago and she still to this day says things like “everything was fine until she came along and asked about those pics”. (She has since put up two pics)
She constantly bad mouths my SO to “her family”. To the point a couple of years ago they did a group intervention call to SO and told him he has to call MIL bc she so upset they don’t ever talk and feels like he doesn’t care about her. Here’s the thing tho, he calls her at least once a week. SO literally had to send them his call logs to show he wasn’t the POS he was made out to be. He said please let her know you’ve seen the call logs and know I talk to her. They refused, saying it would just start conflict, and instead they would tell her he would try to call more.
MIL is obsessed with “her family” so much my FIL divorced her over it and my SO still talks about how she would throw things at FIL for not wanting to hang out with “her family” every weekend. Now we are expected to hang out with her family every weekend (we don’t) it’s a 2 hour drive each way and it’s overwhelming 50 plus people mostly maga/boomers. Every holiday we are expected to be there as well since I have no family (I was adopted as an infant by awful people I went NC with). So we go to keep the status quo, we never get gifts for holidays, or even a seat saved. One year I ended up going to mothers day brunch with them instead of spending the day with my own son from a previous marriage only to end up sitting at the end of the table with the kids and having almost no one acknowledge us. I have ended up eating Thanksgiving dinner alone one year in a house full of people bc MIL took my seat while I was making a plate and no others were available. So I ate at the kitchen bar.
SO panicked and ate with mil bc he was worried about what his family would think BC I REFUSED to let him get a chair and make me a place somewhere else when noticed I was missing. She had someone put up the chair I was using bc she’s in a wheelchair. Which might induce some pity from you that she also doesn’t deserve. She’s in a wheelchair bc she refused to manage her diabetes for 40 plus years. She has lost a leg, a foot, even her asshole (literally) to diabetes but still orders pizzas regularly and always has desserts and refuses to take her meds regularly. Last year she was couldn’t get into her moms car to go a family function (bc she also won’t do her PT) so she called 911 to help her and told them she needed to get to a doctors appointment.
Now she is going on and on about getting a prosthetic leg and learning to walk again which would be physically impossible for her bc she has no strength bc all she does is get high and eat. When she mentioned this to me I started to tell her I don’t think it’s possible and was immediately hushed by her sister bc she said that’s too much reality and she doesn’t want to break her spirit.
This Christmas she called and cussed SO out bc we didn’t go with the family to a play after GMIL bought everyone tickets. The venue changed and no one told us until day of when we met them for lunch and was too far away for us to make it back to our dog in time. We offered to reimburse the cost but it was refused.
Now her favorite thing to do is ask my SO if I hate her after every gathering despite me being very cordial to her and everyone else there. Why you ask? Bc I was unable to give her a hug ONE time bc I had a huge fruit tray in my arms. She also told him I snubbed her one time bc I moved my seat bc her shit bag was overflowing and I couldn’t take the smell. When he told her it was bc she stank she accused me of lying and making stuff up. Even after he said he smelled it as well. She then asked “the family” and everyone told her “no you don’t stink” and they asked us later to not mention it again bc it would be too upsetting for her to know she smells like porta potty all the time. She recently asked us to Easter and I said no and she proceeded to interrogate us about why we couldn’t go and again I was asked to lie and say u had prior plans with friends bc she couldn’t handle the real answer of bc we don’t feel like it.
Now she’s on kick where she likes to ask him if he’s happy with me, when he says yes he’s the happiest he’s ever been she replies, “well I guess that’s all that matters is YOUR happiness”. I’m so fucking done. I want to be a supportive partner and keep the peace bc my SO despite the Thanksgiving hiccup is an amazing partner and we are happy together 95% of the time.
I don’t know what the solution is but I’m done tip toeing around a grown ass woman who throws fits like a toddler when she doesn’t get her way and refuses to take any accountability for anything in her life and I’m starting to resent my SO for asking me to.
This is my first post here thanks for taking the time to read this, I hope I got the acronyms right.