u/Krasnolaundry

I managed to find an auction notice for my house from 1918, and in the features it mentions 'hall curtains'. I have a house with a similar hallway to the one pictured, with this kind of a fretwork feature (not my actual house). Would the curtains have hung in the fretwork area? Would the purpose be for privacy or heat retention or something else? I do know that the fretwork was traditionally a sort of divider from the fancy front of the house where you're more likely have fancier cornices etc, so visitors could visit your parlour without seeing you shame (jk). So I guess a curtain makes sense. Would love to see some visual examples though if someone has some!

https://preview.redd.it/gpon0qbep2zg1.png?width=576&format=png&auto=webp&s=48661bc04dc1b15500cbc5376eb47c0e1a79c3ea

I hate even writing this, but I (F, 35) just don't know what to do with mother (F, 58). My parents are from a previously war-torn country, and grew up with a feeling unsafe and mistrusting of the government. So I do have empathy about everything I'm about to explain, but I'm also at my wits end with it all.

My mother is the most negative person I know. She's so rooted in a fear and distrust state that everything is a drama. Everything is terrible, always. Every time I speak with her it's always big dump of all the bad stuff in her life and in the world in general. She barely asks about me. It's not like there's no truth to any of it, there are things she has a genuine right to feel bad about, but EVERYTHING is always so defeatist. The perpetual victim. Since the pandemic it's gotten a lot worse and now she just swims in everything awful that is happening in the world. Not only is everything a conspiracy, but she needs to know everything about these terrible conspiracies, and then spend hours monologuing about the terrible things that are happening. It's just reached the point where I don't want to call or see her, because I know it will just be awful and depressing.

She's also incredibly emotionally immature, and takes everything personally. So if I try to say 'hey, let's talk about something else', she will take that personally, and it usually results in an argument and her crying, because everything in life is an attack on her. It's just not possible to have an adult conversation with her. To calmly explain my perspective and boundaries without her seeing it as a personal attack. From an objective perspective, I understand what is happening, I understand she's existing in this permanently on alert nervous system, but from a personal perspective, I just feel so anxious about interacting with her that I have been going lower and lower contact with her without even consciously making the decision to. I just feel a massive knot of anxiety every time I think about reaching out to her, and keep putting it off.

Now just a little aside that tbh I actually do see where she's coming from with some of these conspiracies, and it's not that I don't agree with her, it's that I don't want to spend my life focused on everything that's terrible in this world. Until I see an action I can take to improve something, I will keep myself lightly informed, and that's it. I have had chronic anxiety my whole life (presumably a result of growing up with such a highly strung parent), and I have worked very hard to find a little bit of peace in my life and at least dial that anxiety back a few notches. So I'm not ok with her dumping all of that shit on me every time we speak.

She also has very little self-awareness. I've tried bringing up things that have helped me with my anxiety, and she will in all seriousness tell me that she doesn't have anxiety, and that she thinks she's a positive person. There's also no way I'd be able to convince her to see a therapist, or even a doctor tbh. Because, guess what? She doesn't trust them.

The thing is, I also know she tries her best. She sacrificed a lot for her kids, and would literally give us the shirt off her back. She's not a vicious, vindictive person. She does her best, but it just happens that her best is coming from a vessel of anxiety, doom, and fear. So for me it sort of feels like no-win situation, because either I spend time with her and just keep having my anxiety reactivated, and almost certainly end up having an argument; or I go low contact with her and feel terrible and guilty over it, because I know her intentions are and have always been good, and so to her it will seem like a betrayal with no reason.

I just, I don't even know if there's advice to be had here. I don't really see a way out of this. I guess even some commiseration with those of you who have a similar family member might be comforting. But if by some miracle someone out there has dealt with a person like this and managed to help them find their way into a better headspace, or has any advice, I'm all ears.

Any recommendations for best Aussie products to remove ptfe grease from fabric?