u/KjinHwng

I’m femme4all, but I have a real soft spot for butches and studs.

I do feel very visible, don’t get me wrong, I just feel like I’m treated as if I am invisible? I’m not pursued to the same degree that I initiate to others, and it’s almost like they’re apprehensive or scared or something. A lot of these (especially white) lesbians will look me up and down, check me out, talk about me, etc. and love being my friend but not my partner. Weird. I get told I’m intimidating, fine whatever, but I also get complimented often. Words don’t mean the same as action.

White lesbians don’t usually know I’m queer while all of my Black and Latino queer friends knew the moment they saw me. If a stud can tell that I as an Asian femme is a lesbian, I’m sure I’m not THAT “straight looking”. And I get that I dress quite femme! I’m really into the 1950s/vintage glamour look. I’m slightly gothic presenting, and I’m part of the goth and metalhead music subcultures.

I’m from Oklahoma, but we have blue major cities that are very gay for young adults, so it’s crazy that I’ll see lesbians and butches out in the wild, but struggle with dating😭😭😭

I’m on FetLife, but there aren’t any TNG (young adult) munches in my area. I’m personally not comfortable with attending even educational events where I’m younger and the only or one of few Asians in the room (weird racial and age power dynamics). I also find that other college-aged queer folk or young adults are casual about kink, and there isn’t as much of the protocol or structure that I would enjoy as a kinkster.

I forget that Asians get stereotyped as submissive because I’m not really a submissive person in bed, and I also like switchy/submissive stone butches/service tops, so I think I’m just the average “domme femme” until I remember I’m also Asian and alternative and will get perceived differently. Add on that I do enjoy some OFOS (old-fashion old-school) manners outside of the bedroom where it may look like they take the lead.

I genuinely think people don’t know how to comprehend alternative (I don’t look as obviously alt) + Asian + femme lesbian + kinky. It’s genuinely hard for white lesbians especially to compute that.

I love butches but most tend to be white where I am, and the BIPOC butches are usually dating/not available or just not dating Asians I guess.

I miss showing butches love but I’m tired of it coming in the form of long-distance relationships (as in across the country or in another continent). Last crush was a white bi fem but that didn’t go anywhere. I like mine to be alternative as well (not just look, I mean in music and lifestyle).

Advice..? Discussion? I’m so frustrated grrrr.

There is a language program my professor uses and the assignment was only open for yesterday. I opened it later in the day, but it was still before due time, and it wouldn’t let me in it which I assume the course was already closed (before the established due time??????). So I wasn’t able to do my final exam. I emailed my professor with screenshots as proof that I have tried to do my final and open it on two different browsers and laptops and it still wouldn’t let me do my final (it would reroute and say only enrolled students could access it). The grade I got was a zero, and it would turn my A into a C. She has not responded yet.

What actions can I take? I need to keep my GPA above 3.5 and this may turn it to a 3.4/3.5.