u/Khiyan-04

Love… for me, it’s such an irrational thing.

I cannot measure it, only my lack of it I can measure.

It freaks me out.

It’s because I don’t have the same kind of love as is expected of me (or I expect of myself? I‘m not sure).

For me, my attachment just appears.

Unlike other people’s flames that need to be fanned, managed and grown… mine comes about as a wildfire.

Uncontrollable in force | disproportionate in size.

It is not blinding though.

I can see it clearly… in all its glory.

It’s so stunning and yet so terrifyingly enormous.

I would be lying if I said I’m not tempted to succumb to it.

My burning flesh.

The harsh smell.

I want to go inside of it.

To breathe my own burning lungs back in.

Have it be constant.

Unending.

Infinite.

Felt what friendship is for the first time. Super weird.
I think my previous concept of it was pretty stupid actually.
Because of my high standards I hold for myself, I also try to fit friendship through that standard which never really worked out... even though I knew friendship was felt and not evaluated, the feeling of it never arose no matter how much I tried. It was never something mutual or fun for me in the same way I saw other people experience it... for me they either entertained me, were good for image preserving or I could extract something. Now that it was just having fun, no strings, nothing in the background working to seek something rather than the simple experience, it put me in a good mood.
So much so that I even was super nice to another friend who I usually only keep in peripheral. I was genuinely interested in what they were up to... mind blown O_O