I am the youngest of 3. I am autistic. My family is full of personality disorders and trauma and really wanted to make sure that I didn't go through the same things they did. My entire childhood is honestly a can of worms I can't even open because I don't trust my own memory of it so I can't even pin point where and why I became a narc in the first place outside of just being coddled and praised too much. Other than feeling pride in being an extension of my mother (I was called her "Mini-me" ALL of the time. I low key still am now), I really don't know why I am the way that I am.
Either way, I'm 23 I still live with my mom. I am socially awkward and have virtually 0 resiliency. I'm just now realizing that I actually have no clue what I want to do with my life. A lot of the time when people ask me what my plan is, I just give what ever answer sounds promising or intelligent. I'm going through narc mortification where I realized the person that I wanted to be is either 1) not real or 2) real and I'm just incapable of becoming it.
Usually when my family would hear me talk about myself like this, they'd jump in and start trying to hype me up and placate me. I get it, they don't wanna see the baby sad but I'm not as capable as they think I am. When they do try and make me feel better, It literally falls on deaf ears because I have sold them a lie for virtually my entire life. I truly am just thinking about ending it bc I just do not see a point. (I am in therapy but we will see how much it helps).
For everyone who has been through this, what helped? I don't want to fall back into a head space where I think I am special (Ex. "Think of yourself like a phoenix rising from the ashes" There was no fire to begin with. My childhood was fine.) But I think I am closer to going off the deep end then I have been my entire life and. I just want it to stop. Help?