I (26M) & my girlfriend (23F) are 6 months into a relationship. Its been going well, and I’m taking it pretty seriously. We get along great and I have been spending basically all of my free time with her. She’s very smart, sweet, and caring for others. We share humor and interests, and I want to see her even more. We share mutuals, and I see this going somewhere longterm.
The problem is, we’re just very busy. I’m in grad school and she is early career, so we both work a lot. I plan most dates, and usually they’re on the weekend. We had some room for spontaneity the first couple months, but after that it’s been hard to see eachother everyday. I also just don’t love the idea of talking on the phone all the time so I keep texts brief and try to save stuff I really care about for when we finally see eachother.
Recently, my career has gone through a shift that has me even more stressed and strapped for time. I can tell its been affecting her. We’re in our 20’s, so I know it’s normal to grind right now. I hate that we can’t just chill together everyday, but I know there will be a point in my life where things ease up and I want her around when that happens.
But…she’s been gradually applying pressure to spend more time together, and with my career stress, its becoming too much for me. I want to be present for this person, but I’m exhausted pretty much all the time. I feel horrible about it, and the pressure from all sides has been affecting my mental health. I’m about to go on an internship for the summer, and I’ve thought about suggesting we take a break. Thats not what I want, obviously, but I don’t know what else to do, because I’m really struggling to show up as myself in the relationship right now. I want her to get to know the real me, not this person who is constantly on 5 hours of sleep and distracted. Suggesting we “pause” a relationship is out of character for me, and I’m not even sure that’s fair of me to ask. But I have strong feelings for this girl that aren’t going to go away anytime soon, and circumstances are just really making it difficult to put in the effort I know the relationship deserves.
What is the right thing to do?