I (F 30) am obsessing over my (M 32) boyfriend’s ex girlfriend
I’ve been with my boyfriend for a few years now and for some reason I think about his ex girlfriend a lot. I know a bit about her but not that much. She’s usually on private on IG but sometimes she’s on public so I’ve seen her posts before. I know what she looks like and we look absolutely nothing alike. Her and my boyfriend work in similar industries and I know that was something they had in common. They also grew up similarly and are from the same country, whereas I am not. So sometimes I ask myself, why me? What does he see in me when he was with someone who was so similar to him?
I obsess over her by often going on her IG page to see if she’s on public and see if she’s posted a new picture. I compare myself to her all the time even though we’re so different. I often compare how we look and sometimes I wonder how my boyfriend could have liked us both when we look so different. I can’t explain it because I don’t envy her, but I guess it makes me feel weird to know that her and my boyfriend bonded over their work, the way they grew up and so many other things. Sometimes I even wonder if the sex they had was better. I’ve never considered myself to be jealous, I don’t care when my boyfriend goes out, or who he goes out with. But when it comes to her I’ve always felt very insecure.
I don’t know how to stop obsessing over who she is and the relationship they had. They are cordial with one another, they ended on good terms. So at the same time, I don’t think it’s fair to burden my boyfriend with my insecurities either. I shouldn’t make him have ill thoughts about someone he appreciated. It’s not his fault that I feel this way and it’s not his fault that he liked who he liked. But I still feel like maybe things were better with her and he’s settling for me even though he’s never made me feel that way. Anyways does anyone have any advice on how to get over this?