I don't like anything about myself
I'm a 23 year old male and I'm not happy with anything about myself. I really just feel like a failure in almost every aspect and it's getting harder to see the value in living. I dislike my personality, looks and I don't feel worthy of respect at all. I'm ruled by shame. I'm totally lost career-wise after graduating with a not super useful degree last year. My parents put me through my undergrad and have done everything they can to support me but I've just been a disappointment.
I moved to a nearby city last autumn with the hopes of working for a year or two and figuring out my life but that's basically been a failure. I technically have a remote job at a company that does AI training, but I stopped doing it a few months ago because I hate what AI is doing to the world. I'm disappointed with myself for ever being involved. Everything else in the world sucks too. It makes it harder to care about the future when everything is just rapidly becoming shittier. Looking for jobs has been brutal. I just feel so useless and I've been pretty much doing nothing. Social life has been nonexistent other than hanging with my roommates (who are all good friends, which I'm thankful for) as I am incredibly socially anxious and awkward. Dating is definitely a no go at the moment.
My main passion is writing and recording music but it just hasn't been going well lately. I feel like I should be way better than I am considering how much I've tried to improve. Unfortunately I developed tinnitus a few months ago, which has also sucked and probably will never get better.
I just don't know how to be happy anymore. I feel like I had so much potential to live a happy and fulfilling life when I was younger but I've squandered it. Sometimes I see a photo of myself from when I was younger and it just hurts thinking about how much happier and more hopeful I was then. I'm trying not to give up. If you read this, thank you.