26m 24f I don’t know if this is some stupidest manipulation tactic
I (26M) have been seeing this girl for a bit and our dynamic is usually built on constant roasting. She makes direct digs at my past weight loss or calls me names, and I usually don't mind the back and forth. However, whenever I make a jab back, she suddenly gets offended and shuts down the conversation. Most recently, I joked about her having poor stamina while she was running, and she responded by saying she has permanent lung issues because she had blood in her throat while running away from a mall shooting as a kid. When I tried to ask for more context, she just said to forget it and refused to expand. It feels like she’s dropping these massive truth bombs specifically to make me feel like the bad guy for jokes I made without knowing her history. I’m not a mind reader, and it’s frustrating to be insulted and then expected to act like a puppy the second I fire back. I’m considering telling her that we either both roast each other or we both stop entirely because the double standard is getting exhausting. Has anyone dealt with a partner using trauma as a defense mechanism like this, and is that blood in the throat thing even a common physical reaction to a panic-induced run?
TLDR
I (26M) am in a relationship where we constantly roast each other, but my GF has a major double standard. She makes digs at my past weight loss and calls me names, but when I joke back, she drops a "trauma bomb" about running from a mall shooting as a kid to make me feel like the bad guy. She then refuses to explain the story and gets offended, leaving me in a trap where she can insult me but I can't fire back. I'm ready to tell her to pick a lane either the roasting is mutual or it stops entirely because I'm not going to be a sucker who takes insults and then has to apologize for being a mind reader.