so im not really sure what to do, im new to this reddit thing and honestly i didn’t want to post this on X or instagram. recently i cheated on my girlfriend, and yeah that was an asshole move on my part, i know that. i felt trapped, and im young, i know that’s not an excuse, but im still learning. im 19 and my girlfriend is 22.
before i cheated, she was accusing me of cheating almost every day. she would have breakdowns because of dreams she had where i cheated, even though i wasn’t doing anything. i always reassured her as much as i could, but it never seemed like enough. i tried to break things off multiple times, but she threatened to hurt herself if i left, so i stayed.
i do love my girlfriend a lot, but her overthinking honestly gets in the way of our relationship. she says it’s hard for her to let go because this is her first time being in love, and when i met her she was a virgin. we tried moving forward, but she still accuses me of things all the time. she would constantly question my friendship with my best friend, who is a guy by the way, and eventually pressured me into ending a 3-year friendship.
now every unknown account she sees, she thinks it’s me. she accuses me of making fake accounts to cheat, watches my following, and even asks why my numbers go up or down. we argue all the time, and honestly it gets exhausting. it feels like we argue, make up, have sex, and then argue again. im tired of the cycle, but at the same time i don’t really want to leave her.
at this point i feel like this relationship is getting toxic, and im starting to wonder if im staying because i care or just because im used to it.