Would a AP fix this?
On a off in my 12 year relationship I've felt the desire to find an AP. Never really a good anwser why I was looking or why I never committed to the search. Im also very bad at concealment and have had my posts search history and similar discovered everytime. It has obviously devastated our relationship, but we are still together and I love them.
I'm not naive and i know whatever is going on is a issue with me that would exist outside my relationship with my partner, but I have noticed a pattern. When things are calm and we begin fighting, that downward movement in the relationship is obviously scarier to me than I am acknowledging.
We both are alittle volatile, bisexual and have expressed interest in engaging sex with multiple people when we first started dating. I'm quite sexually deviant which was the catalyst to our whole scenario. He has expressed interest in sleeping outside our relationship and at one point went on a date with someone during our relationship, he claimed it wasnt a date but, the other peraon didnt think that and told me as much.
He's always been very good at digging for things in my phone and discovered furry porn. That rejection of something i was already conflicted with about myself pushed me to start posting and searching. But after i was caught (immediately) and we made up, it became a pattern...
Now we are in a strange postion as part of making up for my mistakes the relationship is open for him and not for me, i agreed because i thought it could soften the reservations they had with us swiging and fix things by showing them "its ok to like this, it doesnt make me/us bad" hoping it would lessen my crimes.
I told him I want to be involved when he does stuff with others I dont want stonger feelings kindling behind my back... but they have always been super protective of their phone and now they face ID locks on every app and never submit to any request for peeks into thier conversions with others...
I just feel so terrible every day, for longer than all this has been going on, and I'm wondering if this can be fixed with a AP, breaking up or to ignore it?
Having an AP would be fun but nerve racking. We adopted kids and have everything tangled together in our lifes, im the bread winner and i could never just leave him to flounder financially or fight over custody... anyone have any ideas?(obviously alot of therapy!) I might be asking the wrong community a redirection could be nice too...