I feel lost
Just a jumble of thoughts
So I just felt the need to talk sorta. I just feel so, well I'm not sure how to put it. I pride myself in being something of a laid back person, and I believe I am. Very go with the flow I guess. I am generally very calm, I would say, I can't think of any recent time I lost my cool or got super angry. But I feel like some sort of internal anger I guess? Not at anything in particular, its just there? Like I feel like I could run for miles or fight a bear or something like that I'm not sure if I'm making any sense. It exhausting feeling like that with no release. I used to workout, but I haven't for a year and a half or so. I find myself thinking all the time, constantly. It is also exhausting. I have considered meditation but I haven't truly looked into it that much, I thought it was just sort of sitting there thinking to yourself, and I just kind of do that already all day so I figured that it wouldn't be much use. I don't know, I'm not really sure what to do at all and I always seem to know what to do so it is a strange feeling I guess. I also want to be alone. I always have liked being alone, recently I got away from a pretty toxic friend group so I have been extra alone but like I said I have always liked solitude. I've always had a fantasy of just sort of going away, I do not have a bad life but there is something appealing about just packing a bag full of stuff and picking a direction and just walking. Not sure why but its always called to me. I feel like I'm just rambling I hope this does not get taken down, all of there are always so many rules and requirements to post. But like, I just have a feeling that I need to be more alone? Despite a slight yearning for new friends. I love my girlfriend very much, more than anything. She is my bestfriend by far she is amazing, and yet I want to be away from her too? My dad couldn't tell me my favorite color if I asked him. I just don't know what to do, and I cannot figure out what my problem even is. I really like movies, and hip hop. I have been getting progressively more into hip hop and aside from my girlfriend I don't really have anyone to talk about it too, even though I want to. My favorite artist is DOOM, I have been listening to him for about three years probably? I tried to join so discord servers to meet so new people, seeing as most of the people at my school aren't really into the same stuff as me and they already have established friend groups so it would be difficult and unlikely I would find one. I couldn't really find a server though. I got a piercing Saturday, an eyebrow one, I've been wanting it for a couple months. I'm really excited to start a new job soon, I want to get a Cinemark membership so I can go to the movies more often. Thats fun to think about. My life isn't bad, but it feels so strange. I feel like I'm gonna cry right now, and I am not sure why. I'm not depressed I wouldn't say. I don't think? I feel like someone many comment that. Even if I believe I is better to work on mental issues on your own, more spiritually inside of pumping yourself full of medication, I would say I have done it before. Therapy can be great, not quite my thing though. I don't know.